.
Oh...No....more showers......
.
A bar cart?......thats cool...
.
Thats a cool bike.....I bet Jim would love that....
.
Ouch!!......
.
Cool................
.
Wannta buy some fire protection??
.
LED eyelashes......
.
Stap your date??.....I don't know.......
.
Time to get outta here......
.
♥♥♥
~~ Urologists never have to advertise.....
They just open up an office and the patients come trickling in.
.
~~ Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to
her obstetrician's office.
When the exam was over, she shyly began,
"My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand
on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time.
Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.".
.
~~ A UVA research group advertised in the Daily news for
participants in a study of a particular obsessive-compulsive
disorder.
They were looking for former therapy patients who had been
diagnosed with this disorder.
The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 replies about
three days after the ad came out.
All from the same person.
.
~~ Honesty and wisdom together will take you very far in life.
With honesty you will be known as a person who can be relied
upon to follow through on everything you have promised,
regardless.
With wisdom, of course, you will have better sense than to
make promises.
.
~~ Golf ball: a small dimpled round object that stays on the tee
while you fan it violently with a club.
.
~~ As I pulled into the parking lot at the department store,
I noticed a car with its headlights on.
I jotted down the make, color and licence number.
Inside the store I joined the line at the information desk.
When the clerk reached me, I told her a white Ford in the
parking lot had its lights on and gave her the number.
"Thank you," she replied, and went on to another customer.
The lady next to me asked her indignantly,
"Aren't you going to announce it?"
"There's no need," she replied sheepishly.
"That car belongs to me."
.
~~ We were driving in my friend Larry's new car.
I asked him about its features.
He listed the usual, then added: "It tells me to slow down as
I approach the speed limit.
It warns me when I have to stop.
It points out solid no-passing lines."
I expressed my amazement.
"But," he explained, "these features work only when my wife
is in the car."
.
~~ I had joined a weight-loss organization and had lost a total
of 45 pounds in six months.
I had my son and nephew with me one day, and since children
are not permitted to attend the meetings,
I left them outside while I went in, weighed myself and left
immediately.
When I came out, my nephew asked how much weight I'd lost.
"Forty-five pounds," I answered proudly.
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "In ten minutes!"
.
~~ I noticed an elderly couple in a nearby booth in the restaurant
enjoying each other's company.
They looked to be in their 80s.
I wondered if they'd have to wait for a bus to take them home,
while I, much younger, would enjoy a drive home in my car.
While I was wondering, they got up to leave...
and reached down for their motorcycle helmets.
.
~~ During my work handling the front desk of a cruise ship,
a passenger called to say he'd spotted a stowaway in a lifeboat
when he'd glanced out his cabin window.
I sent a deckhand to check the lifeboat and called the guest
back to say nothing had been found.
He insisted we check again, and again the deckhand found
nothing out of order.
When the man called a third time, I sent the deckhand directly
to his cabin.
The deckhand soon called to assure me there was no need
for alarm:
The guest had been reporting on his own reflection in the window.
.
~~ A scientist told a colleague that, after years of experimentation,
he had successfully crossed an ostrich and a corscrew.
"What did you get?" asked the colleage.
"I'm not quite sure," replied the scientist,
"but each time I give it fright, it starts drilling for oil!"
.
~~ As I approached my husband-to-be at the front of the church,
I noticed tears in his eyes.
I knew he was about to break down.
To lighten the moment I made some outrageous faces at him.
It worked! The ceremony proceeded smoothly and I was proud
of my quick thinking...until I saw the video.
.
.
Todays Thoughts: Who has confidence in himself will gain the confidence of others.
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