Happy Birthday to a Special Lady...Enjoy your day.....
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They just cut their third cut of Hay.......
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TOUR DE FENCE.........
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Every body's keeping warm...........
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Break time...is it? These are the wheelers.......
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Parked for the night?
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Cheating on a test?? Cheats never win......
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The Bat Chair???
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Eno, the Man.....
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♥♥♥
~~ A little government and a little luck are necessary in life,
but only a fool trusts either of them.
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~~ A drunk walks into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash.
"I'm not selling you that," says the druggist.
"You'll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!"
"Not true!" insists the drunk.
"I have my first date in over a year, and I want to make a
good impression."
"Oh, I'm sorry....... Here."
The druggist takes a bottle of mouthwash off the shelf and
puts it on the counter.
The drunk stares at it, and sez.......
"Got one that's been refrigerated?"
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~~ QUESTION: What happens when a witch flies faster than
her broom?
ANSWER: She goes flying off the handle.
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~~ Gus was agitated that the waiter had brought him no
spoon with his coffee.
"This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other
patrons to hear,
"is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers."
The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen
and returned shortly with another cup of coffee.
"This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed.
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~~ Timmy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens."
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied....
"I think it's printed on the bottom ..
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~~ The elderly man looked a little worried when the doctor
came in to administer his annual physical,
so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything
was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful.
I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car,
or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going,
or what it is I'm going to do once I get there – if I get there.
So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his
kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
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~~ For some reason, the bookstore clerk couldn't get the
computer to recognize my preferred customer card.
Peering over her shoulder at the screen, I said,
"There's part of the problem.
It shows my birth date as 12/30/1849."
"That's right," my wife chimed in.
"He was born in June, not December."
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~~~ A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously
announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA,
"I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers
aboard and only 40 dinners."
When the passengers' muttering had died down,
she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his
meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for
the length of the flight."
Her next announcement came an hour later.
"If anyone wants to change his mind,
we still have 29 dinners available!"
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~~ A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.
The following exchange took place between the lawyer and
the witness:
The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident
happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness):
"Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that
distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took
out a measuring tape and measured it.
I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."
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~~ A priest in the West Indies, told a child's name was
"Pindonshe,"
duly baptized the child...only to discover that her real name
was written on a note 'pinned on' the back of her dress.
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~~ Herbert Hoover started it.
When he was President, he gave all his salary back to
the government.
Now they're making all of us do the same thing.
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~~~ I was waiting outside the men's dressing room
while my husband tried on some shirts when I overheard a
couple arguing about sizes:
"These pants you picked out are big enough for an elephant,"
the man complained to his wife.
But he took the slacks into the dressing room anyway.
A little later he emerged looking sheepish, and said,
"Got any peanuts?"
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~~ I think my grandson best summed up my feelings about
abstract art.
We were looking at a painting with a wild mish-mash of
colors and he asked, "What's that?"
I said, "It's supposed to be a cowboy on his horse."
"Well," he continued, "Why isn't it?"
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Todays Thought: They're commandments, not suggestions!
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1 comment:
Hey your friends bday same as Jay's he's 69 today!!lol
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