Good Morning ...friends and neighbours....
Labor day weekend is here........
"Witchy"....hope your feeling better..........
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Dung Beetle....Maybe it's corny, but it made me laugh....
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A real cutie....huh??.
Anjana the chimpanzee is well qualified to kitten-sit orphaned
puma cub Sierra, helping the humans at a South Carolina zoo with
all the feeding, cuddling – and chasing – duties.
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The Many Moods of the Chameleon............
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Animal trainer Neil Egland uses a fire hose to cool off Kachina,
left, and Cinnamon, American black bears that were evacuated from
the Wildlife Waystation on Little Tujunga Road in the Angeles
National Forest.
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Fahrenheit 747: World’s Biggest Fire Extinguisher.........
A wedding chapel on wheels.....
Do you see the flame shoes buddy?
That means I will not think twice about karate chopping you!
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Wouldn’t you like to know what I plan on doing with this beer
and olive oil?
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♥♥♥
~~~ When Gus, took his beat-up pickup truck to his insurance
agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age receptionist
was sent to look over the truck.
Armed with a checklist and a few simple questions,
she breezed through the chore.
She asked, "What are the age and make of the vehicle?"
Gus replied, "It's a '88 Ford."
Apologetic about its desperate condition, he added,
"It's an old fossil."
Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her computeer
and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Gus.
"Gus, our computers have a lot of automotive data," she explained,
"but it's never heard of a Ford Fossil."
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~~~ Note; A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will follow.
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~~~ "Sometimes," complained the presidential aide,
"I wish we had a Pope instead of a President.
Then we'd only have to kiss his ring."
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~~~ Bobbie was watching the Discovery Channel.
They said laughter increased your pain tolerance.
Hence, the laughing gas at the dentist office.
She decided to get a bikini wax and prepared herself by laughing
all day.
At the appointment the same day, the wax is slapped on and she
is still laughing.......... Then it happened.
RIIIIP!
She never watched the Discovery Channel again...
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~~~ A bank is a dignified institution that was established for
people to have a place to keep the government's money until
tax time.
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~~~ A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary
school.
He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions,
then shared with them the fun fact,
"There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand,
"But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash
your thumb?"
"That," the man answered,..... "is when we use your language."
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~~~ Here's a new invention -- a solar-powered clothes dryer.
It's called a clothes line.....
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~~~ A woman who had been married three times walked into a
bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking
for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type
and color dress are you looking for?'
The bride to be said, 'A long, frilly, white dress with a veil.'
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said,
'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature
are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married
the first time, for those who are a bit more innocent,
if you know what I mean.
Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice.'
'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness,
'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate.
Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent
as a first-time bride.
'You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding,
he died as we were checking into our hotel.
'My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo
on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled
immediately and never spoke to each other again.'
'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.
'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for
four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how
good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'
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~~~ Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain
a bachelor.~~~- Lady Bird Johnson -~~~
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~~~ ** THE NAME GAME **
* If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
* If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
* If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
* If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
* If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced
him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
* If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
* If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
* If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and
married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
* If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop
Doggy Dogg Pooh.
* How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married
Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
*If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten,
then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.
* If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor),
King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and
Norbert Wiener (mathematician),
she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
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~~~ The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die
out when it was discovered that they could give orders better
from there.
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~~~ The judge had not yet put in an appearance in the traffic court.
When the bailiff entered the courtroom, he sensed the nervousness
of the traffic offenders awaiting their ordeal.
"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," he said.
"Welcome to 'What's My Fine?"
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Todays Thought: "Humans can always be counted on to assert with vigor their
God- given right to be stupid."
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LOL again Gus, clever name game!
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