Monday, July 27, 2009

Good Morning....Everyone....Have a good weekend??
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Now, you all know I love old buildings.... how about this old Barn?
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I thought I would throw a couple local pictures in, this morning...
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Milo checking a bird out......
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I have no idea......... I just thought it was interesting.....
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The pizzas are made with mozzarella, tomato, cumin, mealworms and beetle larvae....
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Nice swing.......
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Eno, my favorite.......
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♥♥♥
~~~ Gus and Pete were speculating on how long they might live, and Gus says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him.
"After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96."
"Ninety-six?...... What finally got him?"...... Pete asks.
"Liquor and women."
"Well, that just goes to show you," snickers Pete, "both will get you in the end."
"Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says Gus.
"Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."

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~~~ My quiet Sunday morning ended abruptly when my 14-year-old son, Brian, and one of his friends burst through the door.
"Hey Dad, announced Brian, "have you met the new neighbors?"
"No.""Come on Dad, you have to meet them."
"Some other time; I'm busy."
"Dad, you have to meet them now."
From the urgency in Brian's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside.
I set aside my project and went to the front of the house.
No one was there. "Where are they?" I asked.
"Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our football is in their living room."

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~~~ A college freshman comes home for Christmas after being away all semester.
Her father looks her up and down, then says, "Aren't you a lot thinner than when you went away?"
"Yes I am, Dad," the girl admits.
"I weigh 125 pounds stripped for gym."
The father stares at her for a moment in horrified amazement.
Finally, he shouts, "Well, tell me this: Just who in the devil is Jim?"

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~~~ I was teaching the story of Lazarus to my Sunday school class.
"After his death, many people gathered to console Mary and Martha," I said.
"They treated Lazarus's body, wrapped him, and laid him in the tomb.
After four days of mourning, Lazarus stood up and walked out of the tomb.
Now, what do you think those people were thinking then?"
One of my students spoke up: "All that work for nothing."

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~~~ TIMEFOOLERY: Setting the alarm clock ahead of the real time in order to fool yourself into thinking you are not getting up so early.

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~~~ I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confused but never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them.
When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me.
I am bi-sacksual."
Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

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~~~ My sister and some of her friends, all housewives, decided they'd form a softball team. Everyone was told where the practice would be and to bring her mitt.
And they did.
Several women arrived wearing their oven mitts.

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~~~ A blonde is driving around in her red sports car and gets pulled over by the police.
The policeman approaches the car with the ticket and his pen ready and says, "Young lady, you've been driving almost double the speed limit.
Give me your name, please."
"Hmmph," says the blonde, looking very irritated. "And what are people supposed to call me then?"

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~~~ PILLSBURY FAMILY: In the 1970s, a Pillsbury Doughboy family was created and sold as dolls.
Included in the family...
1. Poppie Fresh (a.k.a Mrs. Poppin' Fresh, Pillsbury Doughgirl) (possibly wife, friend, sister, or girlfriend)
2. GrandPopper and GranMommer (grandparents)
3. Biscuit (cat)
4. Flapjack (dog)

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~~~ A blizzard had left a snow bank about halfway up our sliding glass doors.
The cats liked to walk on it and peer in almost eyeball to eyeball with us.
One night as we were sitting in the living room, my wife glanced up and muttered, "Peeping toms."

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~~~ Doctor, To Gus, You have a broken leg, a broken arm, four fractured ribs, and probably a brain concussion..... Are you in great pain?
Gus: Only when I laugh!

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~~~ Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who take the time to label carefully boxes they pack for us.
The accuracy of labels can make a huge difference when we try to find something right away.
My favorite was done by one guy who attached this sticker to a box...obviously not knowing how to spell the best one word description:
"Animals you hit with a stick at a Mexican party."
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Todays Thought: Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
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2 comments:

  1. You are killing me!
    Bi-sacksual!
    ROFLMAO.

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ewwwwwwwwwww that pizza yuck! Rae xx

    ReplyDelete

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