Were are you "TAZ"?.....
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I wouldn't do this if I were you......could get in a heap of trouble......
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~~~ From when I was very young, I just knew that being a girl and being charming in a feminine sort of way could get me a lot of things, and I milked it for everything I could.
- Madonna -
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~~~ "Waiter, I'd like some chicken...... The younger the better."
"Good, I'll bring you an egg!"
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~~~ My 22-year-old son, Mike, has been living on his own for about six months now. Concerned about reports drifting back to me from his sister and brother that the fridge was always empty and that cereal, hot dogs, and macaroni and cheese were often the daily special, I called him and offered to come over and spend a Saturday with him.
We'd buy groceries, I'd show him how to cook, and we'd freeze casseroles, soups and sauces. About halfway through my motherly offer, Mike interrupted me.
"Can I call you back, Mom?" he asked suddenly..... "The pizza guy's at the door."
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~~~ "An apology is the superglue of life..... It can repair just about anything."
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~~~ Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart.
As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape..... You must work out a lot."
Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"
The next day a different young woman was driving the cart.
"Watch this," I whispered.
I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot."
"Yeah," she replied flatly..... "You should try it."
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~~~ After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home.
As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop asked.
"Yes, I did..... How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield.
The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck.
The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down.
So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
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~~~ A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes.
The salesman says, "But, sir, I can see from up here you're at least a size 11.
"The guy says, "Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe."
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain.
The salesman just has to ask, "Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?"
He says to the salesman, "I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law, my wife is having an affair with my best friend and my daughter is pregnant.
The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these damn shoes."
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~~~ A slightly unsure witness to a car crash kept saying things like, "I think the light was yellow," or, "I think it was still raining."
The cross-examining lawyer interrupted, saying derisively, "We don't care what you think.... What do you know?"
The harried witness paused for a moment and then replied, "Then I may as well leave the witness stand.
Since I'm not a lawyer, I can't talk without thinking."
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~~~ The little camel went to his mother and asked, "Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?"
She looked on him lovingly and replied, "You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there's sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we don't get lost."
"Oh!" he said. "And why do we have such huge feet?"
Well," she said, "they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes."
"Wow," he said, "great equipment.
What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?"
"You see," his mother informed, "we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times.
But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?"
"Well, mother," said the young camel, "I was just wondering, if we've got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?"
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Todays Thought; Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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♥♥♥
~~~ Usually always cheerful, Bobbie, had had a particularly stressful few months and had not been her usual self. One Sunday, a friend of hers at church commented, "I think there's a sparkle in your eye this morning. "Not missing a beat, Bobbie replied, "It must be a reflection off one of my lost marbles!"
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~~~ Rodney dangerfield.....
* I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor.
They sent up a priest.
He said "On your mark... " * I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. * When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. * One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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~~~ Rodney dangerfield.....
* I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor.
They sent up a priest.
He said "On your mark... " * I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. * When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. * One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
.
~~~ From when I was very young, I just knew that being a girl and being charming in a feminine sort of way could get me a lot of things, and I milked it for everything I could.
- Madonna -
.
~~~ "Waiter, I'd like some chicken...... The younger the better."
"Good, I'll bring you an egg!"
.
~~~ My 22-year-old son, Mike, has been living on his own for about six months now. Concerned about reports drifting back to me from his sister and brother that the fridge was always empty and that cereal, hot dogs, and macaroni and cheese were often the daily special, I called him and offered to come over and spend a Saturday with him.
We'd buy groceries, I'd show him how to cook, and we'd freeze casseroles, soups and sauces. About halfway through my motherly offer, Mike interrupted me.
"Can I call you back, Mom?" he asked suddenly..... "The pizza guy's at the door."
.
~~~ "An apology is the superglue of life..... It can repair just about anything."
.
~~~ Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart.
As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape..... You must work out a lot."
Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"
The next day a different young woman was driving the cart.
"Watch this," I whispered.
I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot."
"Yeah," she replied flatly..... "You should try it."
.
~~~ After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home.
As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop asked.
"Yes, I did..... How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield.
The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck.
The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down.
So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
.
~~~ A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes.
The salesman says, "But, sir, I can see from up here you're at least a size 11.
"The guy says, "Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe."
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain.
The salesman just has to ask, "Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?"
He says to the salesman, "I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law, my wife is having an affair with my best friend and my daughter is pregnant.
The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these damn shoes."
.
~~~ A slightly unsure witness to a car crash kept saying things like, "I think the light was yellow," or, "I think it was still raining."
The cross-examining lawyer interrupted, saying derisively, "We don't care what you think.... What do you know?"
The harried witness paused for a moment and then replied, "Then I may as well leave the witness stand.
Since I'm not a lawyer, I can't talk without thinking."
.
~~~ The little camel went to his mother and asked, "Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?"
She looked on him lovingly and replied, "You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there's sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we don't get lost."
"Oh!" he said. "And why do we have such huge feet?"
Well," she said, "they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes."
"Wow," he said, "great equipment.
What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?"
"You see," his mother informed, "we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times.
But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?"
"Well, mother," said the young camel, "I was just wondering, if we've got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?"
.
Todays Thought; Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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1 comment:
I'm back!!! Great pics love the one of the bear Taz x
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