It's beautiful here.....
.
A local picture......
Damn...he looks mean......watch out Mom......
Walking his pet??
Walking his pet??.
He's looking at that sandwich down there....↓
He's looking at that sandwich down there....↓.
Just wait....your thinking will change.......
Just wait....your thinking will change........
A jelly fish burger.......yuck!
A jelly fish burger.......yuck!.
Oops......... 
Okay...okay...turn the light off, on your way out..... 
Oops..........
Okay...okay...turn the light off, on your way out......
.
♥♥♥
~~~ Gus sitting at a lunch counter has just been served his food when he calls the waiter back.
"Waiter," he says, "can you explain why there is a footprint in the middle of this food that I ordered?"
"Yes, sir," replies the waiter.
"You rushed in here, asked for a large omelet and told me to step on it."
.
~~~ Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, "Where are all the monkeys?"
"It's mating season," the keeper replies..... "They're inside."
"Do you think they'd come out for peanuts?"
"Would you?"
.
~~~ In arithmetic class one day, the teacher says to one little fellow, “If you had a quarter, and you asked your father for another dollar and 50 cents, how much money would you have?”
“One quarter,” the little boys says.
“You don’t know your arithmetic,” says the teacher, shaking her head.
The little boy shakes his head, too....... “You don’t know my father.”
.
~~~ It's true that gray hair makes you look distinguished.
It distinguishes you from the younger-looking people.
.
~~~ As an engineer in an upscale hotel, I was asked to repair or replace the television in a guest room.
When I arrived, the couple was watching a picture one-third the size of the screen.
I knew all our spare sets were in use, so I figured what the heck: I struck the side of the TV with the heel of my hand.
The picture returned to full size.
"Look, honey," said the wife to her husband.
"He went to the same repair school as you."
.
~~~ One hot summer afternoon, Pete was watching a ball game on TV while his wife is out cutting the grass.
Between innings, he goes out to ask her what is for supper.....
Pat flares with anger at the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house all day with a cool drink in his hand, and she snaps,
“Think of me as dead and do what you would do if I were.”
Pete goes back into the house and fixes a big steak, a baked potato and a tall glass of iced tea.
About the time he is ready to sit down, Pat walks in and asks, “So you fixed something to eat?....... Where's mine?”
Pete looks at her blankly..... “I thought you were dead.”
.
~~~ Recently, my five-year-old grandson was evaluated for admission to a private school.
He was told he was very, very smart.
He responded, "Everyone in my family is smart.... It's in the pants."
.
~~~ I was with a friend in a café when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation.
"What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them."
I wondered aloud."
Some are quite effective," my friend corrected me.
"Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors.
"Whenever I wanted him home, I'd go out to our driveway and jostle his car."
.
~~~ The firing squad was escorting a prisoner to his place of execution.
It was a dismal, rainy day.
"What a terrible day to die," the condemned man complained.
"What are you kicking about?" the guard said.
"We have to walk all the way back in the rain!"
.
~~~ When asked by a higher officer how some compulsive gamblers were doing as sailors, the captain said, "Generally fine, except when they hear, All hands on deck, then they all pick up their cards!"
.
~~~ A thin man and a fat man ran a race.
One ran in short bursts, the other ran in burst shorts.
.
~~~ "Father McCarry, is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" Bill asked his minister."
Definitely not," was the answer."
Are you absolutely certain?"
"Yes, Bill Schneider, absolutely."
"Ok. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $100 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
.
~~~ WEATHER....
Whether the weather be fine,
Or whether the weather be not,
Whether the weather be cold,
Or whether the weather be hot,
We'll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.
.
.
Todays Thought; A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
"Waiter," he says, "can you explain why there is a footprint in the middle of this food that I ordered?"
"Yes, sir," replies the waiter.
"You rushed in here, asked for a large omelet and told me to step on it."
.
~~~ Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, "Where are all the monkeys?"
"It's mating season," the keeper replies..... "They're inside."
"Do you think they'd come out for peanuts?"
"Would you?"
.
~~~ In arithmetic class one day, the teacher says to one little fellow, “If you had a quarter, and you asked your father for another dollar and 50 cents, how much money would you have?”
“One quarter,” the little boys says.
“You don’t know your arithmetic,” says the teacher, shaking her head.
The little boy shakes his head, too....... “You don’t know my father.”
.
~~~ It's true that gray hair makes you look distinguished.
It distinguishes you from the younger-looking people.
.
~~~ As an engineer in an upscale hotel, I was asked to repair or replace the television in a guest room.
When I arrived, the couple was watching a picture one-third the size of the screen.
I knew all our spare sets were in use, so I figured what the heck: I struck the side of the TV with the heel of my hand.
The picture returned to full size.
"Look, honey," said the wife to her husband.
"He went to the same repair school as you."
.
~~~ One hot summer afternoon, Pete was watching a ball game on TV while his wife is out cutting the grass.
Between innings, he goes out to ask her what is for supper.....
Pat flares with anger at the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house all day with a cool drink in his hand, and she snaps,
“Think of me as dead and do what you would do if I were.”
Pete goes back into the house and fixes a big steak, a baked potato and a tall glass of iced tea.
About the time he is ready to sit down, Pat walks in and asks, “So you fixed something to eat?....... Where's mine?”
Pete looks at her blankly..... “I thought you were dead.”
.
~~~ Recently, my five-year-old grandson was evaluated for admission to a private school.
He was told he was very, very smart.
He responded, "Everyone in my family is smart.... It's in the pants."
.
~~~ I was with a friend in a café when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation.
"What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them."
I wondered aloud."
Some are quite effective," my friend corrected me.
"Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors.
"Whenever I wanted him home, I'd go out to our driveway and jostle his car."
.
~~~ The firing squad was escorting a prisoner to his place of execution.
It was a dismal, rainy day.
"What a terrible day to die," the condemned man complained.
"What are you kicking about?" the guard said.
"We have to walk all the way back in the rain!"
.
~~~ When asked by a higher officer how some compulsive gamblers were doing as sailors, the captain said, "Generally fine, except when they hear, All hands on deck, then they all pick up their cards!"
.
~~~ A thin man and a fat man ran a race.
One ran in short bursts, the other ran in burst shorts.
.
~~~ "Father McCarry, is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" Bill asked his minister."
Definitely not," was the answer."
Are you absolutely certain?"
"Yes, Bill Schneider, absolutely."
"Ok. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $100 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
.
~~~ WEATHER....
Whether the weather be fine,
Or whether the weather be not,
Whether the weather be cold,
Or whether the weather be hot,
We'll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.
.
.
Todays Thought; A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.