.
Lickin his chops.........
Weird.....
Are you hungry??
Are you hungry??.
Dolly, is that you??
Dolly, is that you??.
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What are you?? are you good to eat....
What are you?? are you good to eat.....
Momma, look at me.....
Momma, look at me......
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♥♥♥
~~~ My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam.
Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt.
On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.
When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?"
.
~~~ You know the difference between Washington and Las Vegas?
In Las Vegas the drunks gamble with their own money.
.
~~~ Each new patient at the clinic where I work must fill out a questionnaire asking basic health and personal history questions.
One query that inevitably gets a "No" answer is, "Do you now use or have you ever used recreational drugs?"
We were unprepared for the response of a young newlywed who wrote:
"Yes, birth control pills."
.
~~~ Pete (boasting): I've got thousands of cows.
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam.
Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt.
On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.
When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?"
.
~~~ You know the difference between Washington and Las Vegas?
In Las Vegas the drunks gamble with their own money.
.
~~~ Each new patient at the clinic where I work must fill out a questionnaire asking basic health and personal history questions.
One query that inevitably gets a "No" answer is, "Do you now use or have you ever used recreational drugs?"
We were unprepared for the response of a young newlywed who wrote:
"Yes, birth control pills."
.
~~~ Pete (boasting): I've got thousands of cows.
Gus: That's a lot of cows.
Pete: And that's not all..... I've also got thousands of bulls.
Gus: Now that's a lot of bull.
.
~~~ If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
.
~~~ My brother and his wife started their family in their early 40s.
One day my sister-in-law and I were commiserating about the effects of time marching on.
"I just got my first pair of glasses," she said, and paused as her two preschool boys thundered past her.
"Now, if only my hearing would go."
.
~~~ The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it.
.
~~~ The subway car was packed.
It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to call the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss, that's just my pay check in my pocket."
"Oh really," she said.
"Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."
.
~~~ My wife told me last night that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.
.
~~~ As punishment for goofing off during practice one day, legendary Chicago Bears coach George Halas ordered defensive end Doug Atkins to do a lap of the field with his helmet on. Atkins took the coach at his word and ran the lap wearing his helmet - and nothing else.
The team cracked up - and so did Halas.
.
.
Todays Thought: All reports are in...... Life is now officially unfair.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.
~~~ If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
.
~~~ My brother and his wife started their family in their early 40s.
One day my sister-in-law and I were commiserating about the effects of time marching on.
"I just got my first pair of glasses," she said, and paused as her two preschool boys thundered past her.
"Now, if only my hearing would go."
.
~~~ The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it.
.
~~~ The subway car was packed.
It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to call the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss, that's just my pay check in my pocket."
"Oh really," she said.
"Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."
.
~~~ My wife told me last night that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.
.
~~~ As punishment for goofing off during practice one day, legendary Chicago Bears coach George Halas ordered defensive end Doug Atkins to do a lap of the field with his helmet on. Atkins took the coach at his word and ran the lap wearing his helmet - and nothing else.
The team cracked up - and so did Halas.
.
.
Todays Thought: All reports are in...... Life is now officially unfair.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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