One hour and two dropped connections....and here I am....
.
Looking out my window at the storm, the other night.....
He's got his eyes on you......if your a mouse you better be hiding.......
.
House for rent..?
.
It's not a bowl...it's her bed.......
.
Shopping wears me out........
.
I'm just tired and can sleep anywere......
.
They found it funny..........
.
Oh, No!....
.
♥♥♥
~~~ Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me?
Mother: Probably, dear........ I still have all of mine.
.
~~~ Every time I'm out on a cloudy day with a group of friends, I'm the first person to know when it starts to rain.
Do you know why?....
Because I'm bald.
.
~~~ A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward.
It even provides a good workout for the heart.
.
~~~ A police officer pulled us over for speeding on a deserted and quiet road in the country.
He was almost apologetic about writing the ticket.
He even complimented us for wearing our seat belts.
At that point, Bobbie leaned over and said, "Well, Officer, when you drive the speeds we do, you've got to wear them."
.
~~~ Searching in my library for two books by communications expert Deborah Tannen turned into an Abbott and Costello routine.
"What's the first book?" the librarian asked.
"That's Not What I Meant," I said.
"Well, what did you mean?"
"That's the title of the book," I explained.
"Okay." She looked at me a little skeptically......
"And the other book.
""You Just Don't Understand."
"Excuse me?"
I got both books........ Eventually......
.
~~~ Toward the end of the school year, the sixth-grade teachers decide which of their students should be accelerated in certain subjects in the seventh grade.
When a child is chosen, his parents are notified.
When one boy was accelerated in science and math, his mother wrote to the teacher:
"I think this is quite an honour for someone who just tried to make two pints of lemonade in a one-pint pitcher!"
.
~~~ Humor ran like a rich vein through the Marx brothers' family.
"Because we were a kid act, we traveled at half-fare, despite the fact that we were all around twenty," Groucho once recalled.
"Minnie [their mother] insisted we were thirteen..."
That kid of yours is in the dining car smoking a cigar," the conductor told her.
'And another one is in the washroom shaving.'
Minnie shook her head sadly.
'They grow so fast!'
.
~~~ A Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Amber interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once while she was driving," she announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a tree!"
.
~~~ Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.
Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice.
I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.
"You won't believe this," she said, "But there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!"
.
~~~ I was waiting in the office of our lone, overworked doctor when a local repairman, father of seven children, dashed in looking worried and distraught.
To the nurse he explained, "My kids are all sick with some kind of bug.
I know that Doc is too busy for me to bring'em all in here, but I wondered if I could bring in one for a sample?"
.
.
Todays Thought: Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(♥)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 comment:
Enjoying your posts...lots of laughs!
Post a Comment