.
He's got his eye on you........
Cool....dancers mask........
.
How about this paint job?.....cool.
.
I've opted out......
Give me the food or....................................
He got scared.....
Cute all white kitteys........
He got scared......
Two header snake.......Think he can eat twice as much?
I just don't know what to say.........I'm at a loss...
Two header snake.......Think he can eat twice as much?.
I just don't know what to say.........I'm at a loss....
Cute all white kitteys.........
♥♥♥
~~~ Phil and Gus decided to explore the countryside on a two-seater bike.
They came to a hill.
The going was hard.
At last they got to the top.
With short breath and a perspiring face, Phil said, "That was a tough hill, but we finally made it!"
"Yes,"Gus, "Luckily, I had my hand on the brake.
Otherwise, we would have rolled all the way down!"
.
~~~ A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin?
I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"
.
~~~ A group of prospective jurors was asked by the judge whether any of them felt they had ever been treated unfairly by an officer of the law.
"I once got a ticket for running a stop sign."
offered one woman, "Even though I definitely came to a complete stop."
"Did you pay the ticket?" the judge questioned.
"Yes""If you thought you were innocent," the judge went on, "why didn't you contest it?"
"Your Honour," she replied, "There have been so many times I didn't get a ticket for running a stop sign that I figured this evened things out a little."
.
~~~ Gus: Did you know I was a life saver at the beach last year?
Bobbie : Really?...... What flavor?
.
~~~ A police officer stopped me for speeding and told me I was travelling 100 miles per hour in a 60 miles per hour zone.
"I don't see how I could have been," I told him.
"I had my cruise control set."
We talked for a few minutes, and he asked if I had had my tires rotated.
"My wife just had them done last week," I replied, "But I guess I have to get the speedometer checked."
The officer grinned and said, "Sir, you just did have your speedometer checked."
.
~~~ Returning home from a restaurant, two friends and I were stopped by a police officer.
As my friend Pete handed his license and registration over, he asked if he had been speeding. "You were doing just under 60 in a 50 zone, but I'm not going to give you a ticket," the officer said.
We were puzzled when he asked Pete to open the trunk, and more puzzled when he asked Pete to go around to the back of the car with him.
"I've got a burnt out taillight," the officer stated."
Oh, no! Not again!" Pete exclaimed.
"I just replaced one a few weeks ago."
"No, no," the officer corrected. "
I've got a burnt out taillight on a car exactly the same as this, and I was wondering if you'd show me how to change it."
.
~~~ A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.
What are you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
.
~~~ One Sunday I asked our pastor to announce that the church softball team had won its league championship.
As he did, he asked team members to stand up.
Although there were usually ten to twelve of us at Sunday service, I was embarrassed to see only four of us standing.
Not missing a beat, the pastor continued, "And what is most amazing is that they won with such a small team."
.
~~~ For the second consecutive year, a man in Toronto listed his occupation as "hired killer" when he filed his federal income tax.
The listing elicited no response from the Canada Revenue Agency last year, the man says, so he decided to pull the same gag again. ........
He is a pest exterminator.
.
.
Todays Thought: Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.
.
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They came to a hill.
The going was hard.
At last they got to the top.
With short breath and a perspiring face, Phil said, "That was a tough hill, but we finally made it!"
"Yes,"Gus, "Luckily, I had my hand on the brake.
Otherwise, we would have rolled all the way down!"
.
~~~ A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin?
I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"
.
~~~ A group of prospective jurors was asked by the judge whether any of them felt they had ever been treated unfairly by an officer of the law.
"I once got a ticket for running a stop sign."
offered one woman, "Even though I definitely came to a complete stop."
"Did you pay the ticket?" the judge questioned.
"Yes""If you thought you were innocent," the judge went on, "why didn't you contest it?"
"Your Honour," she replied, "There have been so many times I didn't get a ticket for running a stop sign that I figured this evened things out a little."
.
~~~ Gus: Did you know I was a life saver at the beach last year?
Bobbie : Really?...... What flavor?
.
~~~ A police officer stopped me for speeding and told me I was travelling 100 miles per hour in a 60 miles per hour zone.
"I don't see how I could have been," I told him.
"I had my cruise control set."
We talked for a few minutes, and he asked if I had had my tires rotated.
"My wife just had them done last week," I replied, "But I guess I have to get the speedometer checked."
The officer grinned and said, "Sir, you just did have your speedometer checked."
.
~~~ Returning home from a restaurant, two friends and I were stopped by a police officer.
As my friend Pete handed his license and registration over, he asked if he had been speeding. "You were doing just under 60 in a 50 zone, but I'm not going to give you a ticket," the officer said.
We were puzzled when he asked Pete to open the trunk, and more puzzled when he asked Pete to go around to the back of the car with him.
"I've got a burnt out taillight," the officer stated."
Oh, no! Not again!" Pete exclaimed.
"I just replaced one a few weeks ago."
"No, no," the officer corrected. "
I've got a burnt out taillight on a car exactly the same as this, and I was wondering if you'd show me how to change it."
.
~~~ A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.
What are you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
.
~~~ One Sunday I asked our pastor to announce that the church softball team had won its league championship.
As he did, he asked team members to stand up.
Although there were usually ten to twelve of us at Sunday service, I was embarrassed to see only four of us standing.
Not missing a beat, the pastor continued, "And what is most amazing is that they won with such a small team."
.
~~~ For the second consecutive year, a man in Toronto listed his occupation as "hired killer" when he filed his federal income tax.
The listing elicited no response from the Canada Revenue Agency last year, the man says, so he decided to pull the same gag again. ........
He is a pest exterminator.
.
.
Todays Thought: Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.
.
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