Ready for a great weekend?
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Pouring down rain yesterday afternoon........
"Witchy"....throw some sardines out for them.....
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Their saying: what are them....birds.?
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This one is just chilling out.........
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Need a bike?
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Man, was he thirsty........
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Baby's hungery, and wants you to feed her......
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Well, time to put my shoes on, and leave you to the jokes......
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♥♥♥
~~~ QUESTION: When Gus dies, why will they bury him 600 feet underground?
ANSWER: Because deep down, he's a really nice guy.
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~~~ Now that I'm over 50, younger teammates have begun to tease me about my declining abilities as a softball player.
During one game, I was playing third base when a batter ripped a shot over my head, I leapt as high as I could, but the ball tipped off the end of my glove and fell safely for a hit.
At the end of inning, I was heading for the dugout when our left fielder caught up with me.
"That much!" he called, holding his thumb and forefinger a few inches apart.
"I know." I replied....... "I almost had it."
"No," he said..... "I mean that's how far you got off the ground."
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~~~ I planted some bird seed.
A bird came up............. Now I don't know what to feed it.
. ~~~ I've been getting.. death threats from a gang of midget terrorists.
So I got a bullet proof car........ But since they're midgets, I got a convertible..
. ~~~ Students at UVA, proved once and for all that the computer just can't replace human calculations.
They held an "IBM mixer" dance, where each student fed his vital statistics and interests into a computer and was then paired off with a member of the opposite sex who, the computer said, was most suited to him.
Imagine the chagrin of one coed who ended up with her twin brother.
. ~~~ The church in our neighborhood sported a beautiful banner to celebrate Christianity in the year 2009.
Above the huge front door the cloth banner read, "Open wide the doors to Christ."
Directly below, taped to the door, a smaller sign was posted: "Please help us conserve energy. Use other doors."
. ~~~ Wine, for the very eloquent people: "I don't know whether to have the red wine with the fish or chicken.
"What's it matter?..... They're dead!
The chicken's not going to reach up from the plate, and go, "The red Wine!"
. ~~~ As a policeman, I occasionally work off-duty as a security officer in stores.
I was handling crowd control for a going-out-of-business sale, and people were massed around the two cash registers.
Determined to establish order, I climbed onto the checkout counter and announced, "Please, I want to organize you into two lines, one for each register.
Remember, you all can't be first—someone has to be second."
A woman in back raised her hand and called out, "I volunteer to be second!"
. ~~~ During a recent meeting of our Optimists' Club, we challenged one another to come up with an inspirational sentence using the word countenance.
This was the winning entry: "I put a cheerful countenance on people every day."
It was submitted by our local funeral director.
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Todays Thought: I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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