I'd like to be somewere warm...a beach maybe?
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~~~alternative meanings for common words.....
The Washington Post published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
The Washington Post published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11 testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
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~~~She was so blonde....
She studied for a blood test!
She studied for a blood test!
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~~~She was so blonde that she thought ......meow mix was a record of cat music.
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~~~ A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:
"I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when
I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?"
he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
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~~~If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
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Gus...
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