Good Morning......I guess everyone's ready for the super bowl..........
I don't do that thing, but I like the wing things.........
.


Looks like this guy is ready, to cook the wings,...yes its a guy thing..
.

Don't be surprised if you see these two guys there..........
.

Even our friend is watching, wonder who he's rooting for.....wings maybe?

.

Yep....just as I thought.......wings......thats all he wants......

.

All he wants are cookies.....got them too ?

.

Thats some deep snow,..or short deer............................

.

.

♥♥♥

.

~~~ Overheard: "The recession is hitting everyone.

Just last week, a Washington lobby organization had to lay off seven congressmen."

.

~~~ Hoping to get some hints on how to attract birds and butterflies to my garden, I attended a lecture on the subject at the local horticultural society.

However, the presentation seemed to cover only attracting snakes and toads.

Finally I asked, "But how do I attract birds and butterflies?"

An older gentleman in the audience stood up.

"You want to attract birds?" he asked. "Park your car under a tree!"

.

~~~ Tony a golfer who lost his ball fumed at his young caddy.

He snapped, "Why didn't you watch where it went?"

The lad replied, "Well sir, it usually doesn't go anywhere, so it took me by surprise."

.

~~~ I have bad eyesight.

When I go to the optician's he points to the chart, reads them out himself and says, "True or false?"

.

~~~ A company was doing an English-language movie where, at one point, an exhausted messenger was supposed to dash in, collapse, and gasp out a vital message in Swahili.

They even found someone who knew the language, and the scene worked beautifully in the movie -- until it played in an African town where Swahili was well-known.

A moment of high drama nose-dived into comedy as the panting messenger gasped out: "I don't think I am being paid enough for this part!"

.

~~~ My real name is August, but everyone on the construction crew calls me Gus.

And that's where the confusion began.

A woman from the front office came by with a form to fill out.

But when she asked for my name, I wasn't sure which one to give.

Waiting patiently for me to make up my mind, she said, "I don't have any easier questions."

.

~~~ My friend Pete was job hunting with little luck.

"Maybe I've set my sights too high," he said.

"I'm looking for a position that's mentally challenging but not intellectually challenging."

.

.

.

.

.

Todays thought; Criticism wouldn't be so hard to take if it weren't so often right....

Good Morning.......A nice sunny day....but cold....

.

.

.

.

.

.

I think he's in a heap of trouble.............

.

.

.

♥♥♥

.

~~~ THOR...........
The thunder god went for a rideUpon his favorite filly.

"I'm Thor," he cried.
The horse replied,"You forgot your thaddle, Thilly."

.

~~~ I wanted to get personalized plates for my car. But "backoffstupid" had way too many letters.

.

~~~ The other loan officer and I were leaving for a seminar the day the password on the computer system for entering loan applications was due to be changed.

My colleague changed it, but unfortunately neglected to tell our manager what the new word was.
When we returned two days later, I found we couldn't enter the system.

I realized what had happened, and we went to the manager's office to ask him for the new password he had entered.

Our boss decided to have some fun, told us to guess what it was, and he'd let us know in a couple of days.
I tried to think of what he might have felt when he first discovered our error.

Then I had a revelation! "Idiots!" I blurted.
Our boss laughed. "Exactly!" he said.

.

~~~ Why do they waste all that money installing 15 checkout lines and then only use two? .

.

~~~ Our chiropractor, seeking a new name for his practice, decided to sponsor a contest and asked his patients to enter.

One idea didn't win, but rightfully earned an honorable mention: "The Twist and Shout."

.

~~~ One evening in 1964, "Tonight Show" host Dick Cavett introduced his large-chested guest with the following words: "And here they are!... Jayne Mansfield!"

.

.

.

.

Todays thought; The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another.

Good Morning.....everyone..... well it's nice and iced out...
Ground just covered with ice, watch how you walk....
.

Man...thats a handy dog........mans best friend !
.

Reach out and touch someone..........
.

A Hummingbird lane bird...........

.

Wow...someones put a lot of work into this..........................
.

This one too.... must have been a crew....Their good...
.

Just hanging around.........
.

Funny, looking pictures.....
.

Someone did another good job.....someone's having fun....

.

♥♥♥

.

~~~ Some of you would bitch if you were hung with a new rope.

So very few people care how much tax they actually pay...they care only about how big the refund is.

A recovery of their own money...so it makes one think that if you overcharge people, then refund a bit of it, everybody is happy and you are the richer for it.........

Just a thought...

.

~~~ "When you see a man of worth, think of how you may emulate him.

When you see one who is unworthy, examine yourself." (Confucius)

.

~~~Moshe wants to buy a parrot and goes to his local pet shop to see what they have.

The assistant shows him a parrot and explains that this one is really quite special --

it can speak most languages.

So Moshe decides to test this out: "Do you speak English?" asks Moshe.
"Yes," replies the parrot.

"Hablas Espanol?" asks Moshe."Si," replies the parrot.

"Parlez-vouz Fransais?" asks Moshe."Oui," replies the parrot."

Sprechen sie Deutsch?" asks Moshe."Jawohl," replies the parrot.

"Falas Portugues?" asks Moshe."Sim," replies the parrot.
Moshe pauses for a while, then asks the parrot,"Do you speak Yiddish?"

The parrot shrugs its shoulders and says,"Nu? Vis a nose like dis, vot you tink?"

.

~~~ According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women.

They say that women are too judgmental, whereas men are just grateful.

.
~~~ Tom and and his blond pal Harry go to the theater, but Harry gets up to leave after the curtain closes for the first intermission.

"Where are you going?" asks Tom.

"It's not worth the wait says Harry.

"Look in the program. Act two - one month later."

.

~~~ A parishioner said to the preacher after a Sunday service, "You should speak louder during your prayers.

I didn't hear a word you said."

The preacher replied, "I wasn't talking to you."

.

~~~ A man is in a restaurant where a pianist is playing in a corner.

"Do you play things on request?" calls the man to the pianist.

"Oh yes, sir," says the pianist.

"Great," says the man.... "Play dominoes."

.

.

.

.

Todays thought: The dictionary is the only place where... "success" comes before "work".

Good Morning.....everyone......everybody enjoying the weather?
We got us an ice storm, this morning.....not too bad tho....
.

Oh..what can you say...?
.

Lotta loving this morning.........
.

Oh! .... your just jealous.........

.

Spoil sport.................................

.

Wipe your mouth.......nobody likes messy eaters......

.

You think this Chicken has enough feathers ?

.

I don't even think I wanna go close to there...some bad dudes.....

.

.

♥♥♥

.

~~~ A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man's haircut was done, he placed the boy in the chair.

'I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,' he said.

'I'll be back in a few minutes.'

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, 'Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you.'

'That wasn't my daddy,' said the boy.

'He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!''

.

~~~ Two society leaders in Africa's snobbiest cannibal tribe were discussing their marital troubles.

"I don't know what to make of my husband these days," confessed the first.

"Don't let that bother you," the second reassured her.

"I'll send over my new book of recipes."

.

~~~ Two women were have lunch.

One woman said to the other, "Discipline and good behavior are the keys to family harmony, so my husband and I do everything our children tell us to."

.
~~~ Waiting in the ER for test results, I overheard a doctor talking to another patient, "So," he said, "I understand you've lost the ability to speak.

When did this happen?"

.

~~~ Once my wife and I had to take a flight that had 4 other stops before arriving at the Dallas-Forth Worth Airport.

At the first stop, a little white truck drove up to the plane and my wife watched it pull up to the wing.

She asked, "What's that truck doing?"
I explained that some airlines don't completely fuel up a plane for various reasons & we were taking on more fuel.

This process was repeated at the next three stops, and my wife watched the plane being fueled each time.
At the last stop, I said, "Ya know, in spite of all these delays, we're making pretty good time."
My wife pointed out the window and said, "I don't know.....

That lil' white truck is keeping up with us."

.

~~~ I called home from work one day.

Nobody answered, so the answering machine picked up.

At home, my seven-year-old, Ree, ran into the washroom and told my showering wife, "Mommy, Daddy just called, and he said, 'Please leave a message."

.

.

.

.

Todays thoughts: Well-timed silence is the purest speech......

Good Morning.... Winter storm
moving in....
8 babys...one mother...OMG....
.

Airbus have also announced a new option for their range of passenger aircraft:
.

Need milk??

.

An't we looken good!

.

Nah....I'm prettyer.............

.

Your, both wrong...............

.

Time to trade for another car..............

.

How about this one.........

.

♥♥♥

.

~~~ Definition: CARPETUTATION (n) - .

The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, picking it up. examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum cleaner one more chance!

(Come on, Girls. you've all done this, right??? )

.

~~~ Embarrassed that everyone at the hotel would know she was on honeymoon, the bride asked her husband if there was a way they could make it look as if they had been married a long time.

"Sure," he said. "You carry the cases."

.

~~~ Saving for a new car on a teacher's salary takes a while. So in the meantime, a mechanic friend loaned me an old junker so beat up, even its dents had dents.

I came out of school one day to find a police officer and a woman examining it.

"What's going on?" I asked.
"I saw her hit your car," the cop explained.

"But I can't figure out where."

.

~~~ A woman welcomed the distinguished man who had moved next-door and asked, "Should I call you by your first name or by your title and last name?"

He assurer her, "It doesn't matter.

Some even call me an old fool."

The woman's response was, "They must know you very well."

.
~~~ A golfer was sitting in the clubhouse after playing a round.

He looked upset, so his friend went over and asked what was wrong.

The golfer said, "It was terrible.

On the 16th hole I sliced one out onto the freeway and it went through the windshield of a bus, and there was a horrible accident.

The bus went out of control and hit a car head-on.

There were dead people all over the place."
His friend said, "That's awful. What did you do?"
"Well, I closed up my stance and shortened my backswing a little."

.

~~~ Anytime you think of your dog as a dumb animal, remember who is working hard to feed him well.
Secretary on the phone: "Our automatic answering machine is away for repair.

This is a person speaking."
Sign at an antique store: " Come in and buy what your grandmother once threw away."

.

~~~ When playing golf I use a cart instead of a caddie because carts can't count.

.

~~~ Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

.

~~~ The restaurant we had lunch in is one business that knows how to handle dissatisfied customers.

On the wall was an open bear trap and this sign: "To Register Complaint, Push Button."

.

~~~ As he paid for our meal with a gift card, Pete noticed the bill was more than the card was worth, so he handed the waiter his debit card to cover the balance.

"Wow, some people might have skipped out and stuck me with the difference," the waiter said. "Thank you for being so honest."

Then, as he took the card, he asked, "Could I see some ID?"

.

.

.

.

Todays thought: Why do increased earnings always bring with them increased yearnings?

Good Morning.....Friends.....
Happy Australia Day.......... for our Australian friends...
Enjoy your barbie....save me a snag......
.
.

Up-up and away......It would be a cold trip today.....
.
.

Don't I look cute.......
.
.

I'm watching it, it an't going nowere........

.
.

He's watching.....Keep moving.........

.

.

Botten down the hatches.....looks like a good one coming up....
.
.

Stronge isn't he......I can smell him from here.......

.

.

No date, Eno?

.

♥♥♥

~~~ There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says, "we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer".

A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says, "we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though".

One of the blondes looks at the other and says; "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

.

~~~ Those aren't deep wrinkles on Mick Jagger's face.

The Rolling Stones front man say they're laugh lines.

But British jazz singer George Melly had his doubts.

"Surely," he once told Jagger, "nothing could be that funny."

.

~~~ you have all heard about the plane that crashed in the Hudson river.

They blamed it on the ducks.

But the ducks said it wasn't their fault - they were honking.-Jay Leno

.

~~~ My friend told me....When her husband was in the Air Force, they lived in a town where the milkmen wore blue uniforms and caps with visors.

One day, she took her son to the base to watch a parade.

There were tanks, jeeps, and lots of men in uniform.

Imagine her embarrassment when her son yelled, "Mom, look at all the milkmen!"

~~~ The first carload of Boy Scouts had left my house minutes earlier, bound for our three-day wilderness trip.

As I backed my own vanload of Scouts out of my garage, I noticed a pair of hiking boots on the back steps, so I stopped to retrieve them.
An hour later, we caught up with the first car, which was parked at a highway rest stop.

Seeing me pull up, my assis- tant Scout leader rolled down his window.

"Your wife just called on my cell phone," he said.

"She asked if you knew anything about the plumber's boots that were on your back steps."

.

~~~ While having lunch in a restaurant one day, I was asked by a businessman at a neighboring table whether he would like to buy the place.

When I declined, the stranger made another request: "Can I have your name," he asked, "so that I can say we discussed business?"

.

~~~ A little boy thanks his grandfather for the harmonica he gave him for Christmas.

"It's the bestest present I ever got!" says the little boy.

"It's already earned me $100."

"You must have learned to play it really well," says the grandfather.

"I haven't learned to play it at all," replies the boy.

"Mommy gives me five dollars not to play it during the day and Daddy gives me ten not to play it at night..."

.

.

.

Todays thought: Guilt is a little prison that keeps you out of big ones.

Good Morning......Are you enjoying your weekend?
.
.

I'm trying to come up with something to talk about........or a joke.
.
.

She looks like she's a cat of few words......

.

.

Some one's gonna get a bite out of them. That dog better know his business.

.
.

Now, thats a fast bird...........
.

.

Help...help. we're stuck under here.....

.

.

Hurry up, and count him out...........

.

.How many hard drives do you need?.. and if you get a virus??

.

♥♥♥

.

~~~ It was so cold during our trip to Canada that my wife and I ducked into a department store to buy long underwear.

When we asked a saleswoman where we could find a pair, she directed us to the lingerie department.

"You know you're in Canada," I grumbled to my wife, "When long johns are considered lingerie."

.

~~~ The one thing I have learned about Keeping peace in a large family requires patience, love, understanding, and at least...... two television sets.

.

~~~ The new Navy recruits were being processed when a crusty chief petty officer entered the room, looking to put together a work detail.

"Smith, Jones, Brown! On your feet!" he hollered.

Several recruits stood up.

The chief smiled and said, "It works every time."

.

~~~ You know, it occurred to me this morning that the only reason I have to get up every moning is because I went to bed the night before.

If I just stopped going to bed, maybe I would't have to get up any more...or at least cut back some.

Anybody else figure this out?

I think it's something I knew about when I was a lot younger, all those decades ago.

.

~~~ I ran into a couple the other day.

They told me, "We're saving money this winter season by heating our home with swiped credit cards."

.

~~~ President Bush is now out of a job.

Now he doesn’t have to worry about those annoying day trips to the White House he had to do now and then.

.

~~~ Growing up is the period spent in learning that bad manners are tolerated only in grownups.

.

~~~ During my Friends wake, I saw two of his friends peer into the open casket.

"Doesn't Stanley look good?" said one.

"He should," said the other. "He just got out of the hospital."

.

.

.

.

Todays thought: You can't teach a new mouse old clicks....