☼
I'm ah hidein...............................................................................
Not me.....I'm tough......................................................................
Look out !....Watch were your a going..........................................
I'ze hidden....................................................................................
I'm the look out...........................................................................
I smell a big wild cretter..............................................................
I've got my eye on him.................................................................
☼
Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time.
☼
I frequently receive calls from pollsters asking me to participate in telephone surveys. One woman began with a barrage of questions.
"Wait a moment," I interrupted.
"Who are you and whom do you represent?"
She told me and immediately continued asking questions.
"What's the purpose of this survey?" I asked.
"Sir" she replied irritable, "I don't have time to answer your questions."
Then she hung up.
☼
Some neighbors of my grandparents' gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift.
As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad.
It was so inedible that my grandmother had to throw it away.
Ever gracious and tactful, she still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note.
It read "Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie.
Something like that doesn't last very long in our house."
☼
My teenage sons, Arty and Roy, usually get along well, but they once had a petty argument about baseball cards and wouldn't speak to each other for days.
During the feud, I asked Roy to help me prepare salmon for dinner.
"Let's have fish once a week," he said.
"But your brother doesn't like it," I reminded him.
"Okay," he said, "twice a week."
☼
Our family-owned coffee shop had more than our usual crowd at breakfast, and we discovered we were desperately low on bacon.
Luckily we had a meat distributor across the road, and we phoned an order in to be picked up right away.
A young lady who worked for us offered to get it.
As it wasn't large or heavy, she wouldn't need a cart.
When she got there, however, the shipper asked her, "Do you have your dolly?"
"Oh, no," she replied, "I left her at home."
☼
Gus a carpenter went to the lumberyard to check on the cost of wood for his latest project.
He noticed that prices seemed higher than the last time he was there and complained about it.
"Of course, lumber is expensive," the salesman said. "Do you think it grows on trees?"
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed," if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
No comments:
Post a Comment