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What can I say ?....I like onions.................................................
I just like to eat............................................................................
We like to ride.....But we don't go to any drive-ins.....................
We'll walk, thank you..................................................................
We like to swim......thank you.....................................................
This is not the place to walk........................................................
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Before I could start my first job right out of college, I had to present evidence that I was a U.S. citizen.
I showed up with my drivers license and birth certificate.
The clerk looked at my drivers license and copied down some information.
She then picked up my birth certificate and gave it a long look.
"Is anything wrong?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
"I can't find the expiration date."
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PAUL: Does your mother-in-law always make a well-balanced meal?
SAUL: Yes, there's a 50-50 survival rate.
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Things to ponder:
We find that the most solid stones in the structure are the lowest ones in the foundation.
Happiness can be finding your misplaced glasses before forgetting why you needed them.
Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
Tact is the unsaid part of what you think.
Q: Why do people keep going to see Lord of The Rings over and over?
A: Because it's Hobbit forming.
The most satisfying kind of gardening is planting yourself in a lawn chair.
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Just after a friend, who was a career Air Force NCO, passed away,the brothers and sisters returned home to be with their Mom.
As they reminisced about their dad, they found ourselves floating from sorrow to laughter as they brought up fond memories of their nomadic military lifestyle.
One morning they were discussing what music should be played at the funeral and several hymns were suggested.
"But, Mom," the oldest sister said, "since Daddy was in the Air Force, shouldn't we request the Air Force song?"
No, dear," the mother said with a smile.
"We are not playing a song with the words 'Off we go into the wild blue yonder' at your father's funeral!"
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