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Gotta keep cool.....................................
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BOY: Doc, my pet rabbit is sick.
I can't understand it.
I rub him down with Vaseline every day.
VET: No wonder!
Don't you know you're not suppose to use that greasy stuff on your hare?
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During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking.
One says to the other, "The thing I hate most about learning all this stuff is that you'll never use it in the real world."
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So, this man walks into the pharmacy and says, "Have you got cotton balls?"
The pharmacist says, "What is this, a joke?"
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As my son's seventh birthday approached, his excitement was reaching an all-time high.
As usual, Bobby was allowed to invite about a dozen kids who live on our block.
The morning of the big day, a woman called to say she couldn't make the party.
I must have sounded confused, so she added, “I'm Tommy's teacher.”
She paused, then said, “Didn't you know he'd invited me?”
“No,” I said, “but you're welcome to drop in later for a slice of birthday cake.”
After another pause, she said, “Did you know he asked the entire class...23 children in all?”
I hung up and turned to Tommy, who was fairly bursting with glee.
I asked why he had done such a thing.
“I always wanted a surprise party, Mom! Are you surprised?”
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The minute my wife entered the post office, the postmaster noticed the diamond earrings I had just given her.
"Those must be real diamonds," she said.
She was thrilled she'd noticed.
"Yes, they are.
How could you tell?"
"Because," she said, "no one buys fake diamonds that small."
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