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Well, I got in , now how to get out!
That's funny...........Iaz laffz..............................
Well, I didn't think it was funny.................
Did you hear the cat was stuck ? dumb ... cat...................
Momma......It was this big...............................
Truck!....who needs a truck ?
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THE ATMYou go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says:
"Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card.
You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found."
and keeps your card.
You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.
You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says:
"What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.
You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.
You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."
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St Peter is standing at Heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son.
What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."
"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."
A few moments later a second man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was in the Marine Corps, Sir. I was Security Forces."
"Excellent my son...I've gotta take a pee, watch the gate, will ya?"
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Do you know the difference between "enough" and "sufficient"?
Well, according to one little boy, "When my mom cuts me a slice of cake, I get sufficient.
But when I cut my own, I get enough."
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I finally decided to get with the times and begin paying my bills directly from my bank account, so I sent in the requisite information to have them paid by automatic withdrawal.
I was surprised, however, when one company sent a notice advising me that I had failed to include my telephone number.
The company? Verizon.
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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
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Middle Age - When you choose your cereal based upon the fiber, not the toy.
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My home church welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer fifties and hundreds.
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