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I'm not cold....I got my fur coat on......
Now....this is an ugly fish..............
The Queen thinks so too........Won't even try it.......
Don't fall little buddy..................
Whoops...................Turn right...turn right I said!!
Damn it....I wanted that piece of grass............
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Andrew, my two-year-old grandson, prefers to eat with his hands.
Recently, when my daughter in law gave him a dish of ice cream, he dug right in.
She was in the next room when he yelled, “Mommy, my hands are cold!”
“Well, then, use your spoon,” she replied.
“No, no, Mommy,” he yelled back, “I need mittens!”
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Wife to husband: "Shall we watch the six o'clock news and get indigestion or wait for the eleven o'clock news and have insomnia?"
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Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
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When I caught my three-year-old son scribbling all over his bedroom walls with crayons, I reprimanded him sternly.
"What were you thinking?" I scolded.
Between sniffles and tears he replied, "I was thinking I need some paper."
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Internal Revenue agent to taxpayer: "We try to be lenient, sir, but we can't allow this one-dollar payment to the tooth fairy as a medical deduction!"
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A man laughs at a woman who puts on eyebrow makeup, but he spends ten minutes trying to comb two hairs across a bald spot.
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