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I'm tough....Don't mess wif me..............
Hey...Cat, come on down here and lets swim, it'll cool ya off.
Who needs a pick up truck ?
Got cha!!!!
Inspection....who needs an inspection.......
Nice pet........just don't get him mad......
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Most dentists chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought, "This is unusual."
The dentist said to me, "Mr. Hey, get out of the filing cabinet."
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The parents of two teen boys (17 and 18 years old) went on a trip for the weekend with friends.
They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.
That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad's car, pick up some girls and go to the local club.
The 18 year-old boy could drive and off they went to enjoy the evening.
When they got back to the car after a lot of dancing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car...someone must have bumped into the car and drove off.
Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car.
Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning.
The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.
Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident.
The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened!
A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"
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"Being set at the table, scratch not thyself, and take thou heed as much as thou canst not to spit, cough and blow at thy nose; but if it be needful, do it dexterously, without much noise, turning thy face sidelong."
(Francis Hawkins, ‘Youth's Behaviour’...1663)
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My friend and I were looking for a new bathroom scale.
She found one she liked and asked me to get on it to see if it was accurate.
I did, looked down and, surprised, said, "I always thought I was 120 pounds, but I guess I’m only 115."
She gave me a triumphant smile. "That’s the one I'm buying!"
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Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them
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A fellow in the office had been sitting with the phone to his ear for a long time.
"I don't mind being put on Hold," he sighed, "but I think they've got me on Ignore."
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