Happy Birthday.....Gomez....................39 and holdin~~

There is no way you could ride this anywere...............

Helpful pup.............

Damn.....left the windows down again........................

Oh...Yah!

Look up....and smile...................

On Saturday night, when your wife mentions ; "hot oil, a little friction, and squealing," you tell her you'll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning. ~~~

Guide to understanding a net.addict's day: Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on the internet. Busy day: managed to work in three hours of the internet. Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of the internet."

~~~

A Quote; "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." (Erma Bombeck) Did any else read her suff ?

Don't mess with the "Huff"

Just what you would want for lunch..............

I got my eye on you.......................

Oops......................


~~~
When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so
that someone in the house is happy to see you.
~~~
Congratulations to the new nation of Kosovo.
They gained their independence this week.
Of course, President Bush was shocked when he heard this.
He said, “Independence? But we haven’t even invaded them yet.”
~~~
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space,
the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space."

Good morning.....everyone...all one that reads this stuff....

Anyone want's to base jump with me??
Taxi crab.................

I bet he didn't get a ticket for following too close.......

~~~

My husband, Gus, and I were at a restaurant with his boss,

a rather stern older man.

When Gus began a tale, which I was sure he had told before,

I gave him a kick under the table.

There was no response, so I gave him another poke.

Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said,

"Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?"
We all chuckled and changed the subject.

Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken

him so long to get my message.
"What do you mean?" he replied.

"I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me."
"But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!"
Suddenly we realized what had happened.

Sheepishly we returned to our table.

The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry.

After the second one I figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!"

~~~

An't it the truth....

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful,

when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much

depend on the weather.

O.K. Cubfoot...time to get up.....can't lay about all day....

I'm gonna get you for this......................
Damn....Pete comb your hair will ya !

I don't wanna ride thanks........

This is a "pass the paper" ride.................................


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


OVERHEARD ON NOAH'S ARK.....
"Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?"
"Hey, there are more that two flies in here!"
"I finally get a bass boat and now I have to take the
whole family..."
"Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels on board?"
"Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants--QUICK!"
"OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes
on board?"
"Are we there yet?"


~~~
Two old friends met at a bar and one announced that he
was getting married.
His friend congratulated him and asked who the bride was.
"JoAnne, the lil' blonde cashier down at the Giant grocery store,"
the groom-to-be replied.
"You old fool," his friend countered, "She's what, 20 some,
and you're in your 70's."
"What's wrong with that?" the first man asked.
"She's the same age my first wife was when I married her."

Opps..........................

Welcome home.............................

I was lying on my couch, burning up with a fever, when my wife said I

should go to bed.

At three o'clock the next morning, I woke up soaked from head to toe.

When my wife heard me stirring, she said that my fever must have broken.

I decided to spend the rest of the night back on the couch so as not to

disturb her any further.

But then, three hours later, she appeared in the living room soaking wet.

"Your fever didn't break," she said, still dripping. "The water bed did."

~~~

A guy robs a bank and takes hostages.

In the course of the robbery his mask slips off.

He asks one of the hostages, Did you see my face?
The hostage answers yes, and the robber shoots him.

Then the robber turns to the second hostage.

Did you see my face?
No, but my wife did...

Good Morning....every one....

Damn....I wouldn't call this "Art" Funny yes....art no ... Looking from the Blue Ridge Mt's. across the Shenandoah
Valley to the Allegheny Mt's. and west Virginia........

Damn..guy...I would think that's a foul.....
Would you call this a foul landing ????

QUESTION: When does a person decide to become a tax collector?

ANSWER: When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as

an undertaker.

St.Peter hears a knocking at the Gates of Heaven and calls out,

"Who's there?"

"It is I" a voice responds."Oh no, not another English teacher,"

sighs St.Peter.

Gus, has been attending a beginning watercolors class.

During one session the instructor asked the class what they planned to

do with their paintings when they were finished.

Virtually all of the students were undecided,

but Gus knew exactly what he would do with his.

I'm going to send them to my children," he said with a smile,....

"so they can put them on their refrigerators."

Well....We got fooled....Storms went around us....We only got
some sprinkles...........................

Theis is called "A duck landing"~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm watching you................
Old farts on "my space".........................

I'm a happy camper...................

I have this very real fear---- that come election day ....

we will once again be asked to choose between.....

leukemia or colon cancer.

"I want to get this off my chest: For the past 20 years,

I have been using performance-enhancing vodka."

Exhausted from campaigning, Hillary went to the doctor

for a complete check up.

After a thorough examination and many tests,

she was informed by the doctor: "You have Obamitis."
"I am not well acquainted with this condition,"

she informed the doctor, "and would like to research it

further on line.

Could you tell me the technical medical term for my condition?"
"Sure", the doctor replied, "

the medical term for it is ELECTILE Disfunction."

Early today....calling for ice storm today.....
and the lights will go off..................

I was hoping someone would give me this "Reto" Chev........
But this is all I come up with.........O..Well.......................

Help me out here......

Gossip is also an old medical term.

Now they are called gynecologist.

But they are still spreaders of old wives tails....

English...Learned from Baywatch...
1. American men and women spend 15 percent of their

days running in slow motion along the beach.
2. Americans almost drown an average of two times each hour.
3. Despite the habit of breathing water,

CPR always works and no one actually dies, except from cancer.
4. People in the U.S. look thoughtfully at the ocean for an average

of 15 seconds after being told anything of any importance.
5. Americans never worry about getting enough to eat, but fat

people are unreliable and sometimes evil.
6. Most American women have abnormally large breasts that are

worshipped via close-ups for an average of two minutes and

thirteen seconds per hour.
7. When swimming in California, you are more likely to be attacked

by jewel thieves or taken hostage by terrorists than you are to drown.
8. Most activity that takes place off the beach occurs in montages

and lasts no longer than two minutes.
9. Although Americans, especially lifeguards, complain that they are poor,

they all have expensive sports cars and luxurious homes.
10. Motorboats, unlike cars, will not talk back to David Hasselhoff like

NightRider.
(and...don't hassel the hoff...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nice shot of the moon.......

We all can't be good lookin...........
Tan anyone ??

<>

On a joint military exercise an English soldier, an American solider,

and a Russian soldier found them- selves sharing a tent while on a military

exercise and the conversation turned towards how well fed each of them was.
"In the Russian army we get 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian.
"Well," said the Englishman, "in the British army we are given 4000 calories

of food a day."
"That's nothing," said the American,

"in the US army we get 8000 calories of food a day."
At this the Russian got very annoyed.

"Nonsense," he said, "how could one man eat so much cabbage....

We shop in C-ville, the home of UVA.

The new flock of kids attending college always includes those who need a little

help with everyday chores they themselves never did before,

such as laundry or grocery- shopping.
I was in the dairy aisle for some eggs.

As usual, I opened the carton to check them over before putting them in my cart.

Beside me, a young man did the same to his carton...

then leaned toward me and asked, "What are we looking for?"

Damn...calling for snow for the weekend.....

Smart parrot........

I'm keeping my mouth shut !

Ponder this.....

*It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always

room temperature.

*I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

*Everywhere is walking distance, if you have the time.

*I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.

You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

*I bought some instant water, but didn't have anything to mix it up with.

*How come the sewer treatment plants in every town in america has

more barbed wire fencing and security around it then most minimum

security prisons? do they have that many people trying to steal the ••••?

* I happen to KNOW the answer to that last one,

btw it's NOT to keep people from stealing the s h i t it's to KEEP them

from throwing the politicians IN..... clogs up the outlets,

and there's SOME things even a self-respecting treatment plant worker

doesn't wanna touch!

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window.

Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light.

Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the

pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Nice fold up bike....
I have nothing to say.........................

Cool........................
Wife needs some excerise................

Reuters.com reported today that U.S. hotel heiress Paris Hilton's

potential inheritance dramatically diminished after her grandfather

Barron Hilton announced plans on Wednesday to donate 97 percent

of his $2.3 billion fortune to charity.
I guess that'll tie her knickers in a knot........ Oh, wait...

What can an 73 yr old guy do..........

Anyway I went to my daughters.

I must have been kissed 50 times.........

Dam Dog!

Harry Truman is the last president who did not go to college.

Consider all the presidents since Harry Truman........

and tell me that college has improved anything.

~~"Sis" you will be missed...we Love you...RIP.

We lost a great Friend, and wifes aunt yesterday...Sad news
for our family. Was a great friend who we visited over the
years.......Will miss her greatly......

I thought this was a cool ad for a suspenison company......
I bet some were pissed after finding out they were fake,
and tried to dodge them.......


What's all this fuss about a recession?
Leading economists have calculated that the benefits from the Reagan
administration's "trickle-down economics" should reach the middle class
just about any month now.


*Offering Encouragement*

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.
One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate,
I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from
Brother Martin's henhouse please refrain from givingany money to the Lord.
The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!"
The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months
everybody gave.