Monday, February 8, 2016


Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks,
"Where ya going boy ?"
The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting
The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me
no dang lantern."
"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said.
"And look what you got !"
“When the gastroenterologist retired, he threw in the bowel..
I Wake Up With A Good Attitude Every day..
Then Idiots happen.
A tree silently weeping as firemen steal its cat.... Again!
Vacation Elbow (vay kay' shun el' bo) - n.
A condition that suddenly develops in a father's arm
during a vacation trip that allowed him to reach out
and slap you from incredible distances.....
Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking.
The plane's going down.
 Look, stop screaming, that's not going to make me
a better pilot...
Right on, adults who are excited for Halloween.
I too get excited about things meant for kids.
Last week I lost my shit because I saw a frog...
Judge: "You have been found not guilty of bigamy.
You may go home."
Defendant: "Which one?"
Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the
middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a
portion of their mind forever.
Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my
phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
My fitness instructor keeps asking if I squat.
No Gary.. I rent. I'm not a hobo...
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out.
He just gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.