Friday, February 19, 2016


My wife asked me why I drink so much..
I told her, "Some men drink to remember.
Some men drink to forget."
"So which is it for you!" she asked.
"Dunno ..... can't remember"
Whenever someone tells me they get a "high" from running,
all I'm thinking is,
"You've obviously never been high before."
Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an
All comments become null and void after seven days.
Look on the bright side, your insomnia keeps most of
the spiders out of your mouth.
Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one
summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing
candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter
finishes her summer classes.
as a kid, there really wasn't anything I wanted to be when
i grew up...... and boy have i nailed it.
Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I
was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete.
Cop - Have you been drinking?
 Me - No, just taking my photo with R2D2 here.
 Cop - Sir that's a fire hydrant.
 I party like a Rockstar.
 A very poor Rockstar who isn't in a band anymore and
starts yawning by 9pm and just wants to be home
drinking tea.
PMS........Pitbull in Mini-skirt and Stilettos...
Yogi Berra Quotes;
"Always go to other people's funerals,
otherwise they won't come to yours."
"Baseball is 90 percent mental.
The other half is physical."
"If the people don't want to come out to the park,
nobody's gonna stop them."
"No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded."
"We made too many wrong mistakes."
"You can observe a lot by just watching."
"I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4."