Monday, February 22, 2016


I'm my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds
of people tied for second place.
A really brutally ugly guy walked up to a girl, squeezed her
arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy".
The girl replied "Have you got a pen"?
The guy smiled and said "Yes of course".
She replied, "Well you better get back to it,
before the farmer notices you're missing".
"Pick a card, any card, make sure you memorize it,
now put it back with the rest"...
me, with my wife at the Hallmark Store on Valentine's Day...
No thanks Cupid.......
If I wanted butterflies and my heart skipping beats,
I would do something less ridiculous like lose my phone.
After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the
Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit
was "Elevator Buttons."
People who fall asleep quickly, freak me out.
I mean don't they have thoughts?
The groundhog in our town died on Sunday.
I can't imagine how long our winter will be now. 
Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than
packaged balloons?....... It's just air!"
It's inflation..
"I hate you"..
Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.