Saturday, February 20, 2016


High school kids, these awful years are going to end up
being the best years of your life.
That's how much everything else sucks.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Twitter, Facebook, or even
the internet.
Guys would have to walk in the snow for miles to tell me
that I’m gay.
Him: I'm sorry, can we start over?
Me: great idea! You introduce yourself,
and this time I'll keep walking.
Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter,
accept it. Embrace it.
You are a shiny person now.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the
number one suspect in your murder case will be.
Why do I post on the blog?
Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family,
so I wanted to branch out.
Whoever came up with "whoever smelt it dealt it" found
a clever way to pass the blame......
I think we should elect Bernie.
When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have
heart attacks and die.
Here's another great thing about hot tubs
[pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under
the water]
Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves,
in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves,
in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
A cemetery has raised it's charges blaming the
increase on the cost of living...