Thursday, December 3, 2015



How the hell wizards don't set fire to
themselves, I'll never understand;
attempting to make potions and stuff,
with those dangly sleeves.
Adult: If it ain't broke don't fix it..
Child: If it ain't breakable, not interested....
I imagine some people are like...:
'should I take the shower?...
no...I'm taking the train today...'
General Lee didn't have kids?
A parent Lee not.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that
leave their Christmas lights up all year long
look like geniuses.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row,
I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
I used to brag that my dad worked in the food
I thought he was a food lawyer.
Shoulda wondered why a lawyer would wear
a sbarro shirt..
Jobs I'd be shit at:
 -brain surgeon
 -rocket scientist
 -goat herder
 -sober person thingy....
My lighter has two settings:
1: Spark, spark, spark
2: No left eyebrow....... 
 [tour of zoo]
 kid: "i think its a elephant"
 me: "are you giving the tour"
 me: "anyway as i was saying this is the
big snake face thing"
I wonder if fewer people would eat Rabbit Stew
if it was instead called Bunny Rabbit Stew....