Thursday, December 24, 2015


Baby, tonight let's put the kids to bed, pour some wine,
turn the lights down low & argue over whose turn it is
to move the Elf on the Shelf....
[drive thru]
 GUY ON INTERCOM: can I help you
 ME: yeah are you guys open?
 *Santa's Google search*
 cheap labor
 cheap labor not kids
 magic cheap labor
 elf for sale bulk
 labor laws by country
 north pole group travel..
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking
for a new job the next day.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and
comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
ears and comes out of the mouth..
People without kids who give other people's kids messy
or annoying toys..
Imagine that we gave you a monkey with a kazoo and
I bought this thing for my car.
You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise,
so when you drive through the woods, deer won't
run in front of your car.
I installed it backwards by accident.
Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me.
Those were the days.
"It's one of those new Hoverboards!"
 9yr: Mom, this is just 2 Roombas taped together.
"Don't be silly.
Now go vacuum...I mean play upstairs"
A Jehovah’s Witness gave me an advent calendar.
The first door I opened there were two of them standing
behind it.
My sister told me to "take the spider out" instead of
"kill" it.
So we went and had some drinks.
Cool guy.
Wants to be a lawyer..