Wednesday, December 16, 2015


Actors get paid more to pretend to
go into space than astronauts get
paid to actually go!
"Relationships are hard.
 It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it
like one.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, and before they
leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
Beggar: "Any change?"
Me: "No, still the same house and job,
but thanks for asking."
I called the complaint dept at the IRS..
When the call was answered, it was a recording
of laughing.
 some Chuck Norris..
Demo experts don't rely on progressive
collapse anymore to bring down old buildings.
They just call Chuck Norris.
No one can handle the punch of Chuck Norris,
except for Chuck Norris.
When people run for the office
of the president, they only need
1 vote........ Chuck Norris's.
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups.
He presses the Earth down.
Humpback whales sing only because they're
trying to get the attention of Chuck Norris.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that
caters exclusively to lawyers ?
 Sosumi ........
Don't ever leave a bag of mini Heath bars at
your desk to prove you can't be tempted....
Because Satan's game is strong.....