Down Hummingbird Lane

☺☺

 

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♥

I'm not saying I spend a lot of time in the
restroom, I'm just saying if you walk into my
stall you can be charged with home invasion...

 

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Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because I didn't see you first......
 

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On their way home after celebrating their
25th anniversary, she thanks him for a onderful
evening.
"Oh. it's not over yet", says the husband.
Once in the house, he gives her a little black
velvet box.
She opens it in anticipation,
"But what are these two little pills?"
"Aspirin", says he.

 

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*Police bust through door*
 -QUICK FLUSH ALL THE SUGAR....
 -WAIT, WHY!?
 -I DON'T KNOW, THEY DO IT IN THE MOVIES!

 

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Look... don't end your presentation with "Are
there any questions?" & then get all pissy when
I ask if you can ride a unicycle.

 

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I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this
year I resolve that I will neither become the pope
nor will I become a cannibal.

 

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Bought a new rifle but forget to get bullets.
Tomorrow is ... ammo-gettin'..

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Lost my arm... years ago.
But a very thoughtful person got me a
prosthetic one for Christmas.
Yes.... it an arm-i'm-gettin.

 

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Careful, the circular motion you make with your
hand to tell someone to roll down their car
window is giving away your age.

 

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My wife has terrible sinus trouble.
It's "sinus a check for this,
sinus a check for that....."

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