Saturday, October 10, 2015



you can tell the new mad max movie takes place
in a lawless post apocalyptic hellscape because
not one person used their blinker.....
“If you can't choose between an angry psychic
and a sad psychic, you'll have to find a happy
Haloween Warm-up.....
Q: What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon n' Slime.
Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.
Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.
Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: By witchful thinking.
Q: What's a ghoul's favorite breakfast cereal?
A: Rice Creepies.
Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.
Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.
[i fall down the stairs & break my back]
 Me: Siri, call me 911..
 Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on..
 Me: haha nice.
 Siri: thanks 911..
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in
Texas have an even larger size than the
When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
GF: What a perfect night..
ME: It gets better *bends on 1 knee* Will you...
GF: OMG yes!
ME: *puts Space Jam DVD on her finger*
put this in?
Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer
the phone, instead of "no caller ID" try
something like "free shoes"...
Border Security does NOT think it's funny when
you reply,
"I'm hungry" when they ask you if you have
anything to declare.
My wife and I took out life insurance on each
other -- so now it's just a waiting game.