Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

After successfully getting their big line items
approved in the congressional spending package,
two lobbyists were celebrating at a Washington
restaurant.
“You know,” mused one, “it’s a crying, shame
our grandchildren and great-grandchildren
haven’t been born yet so they can see the
terrific things the government‘s doing with
their money.

 

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Teacher asked the students to tell the
importance of the year 1809.
John stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was
born”
Then teacher again asked the students to tell
the importance of another year; 1819
Then Gus suddenly stand up and said
“Abraham Lincoln was ten years old”!

 

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I always carry a pair of shades with me
because you never know when you might
see a dead body & say something cool....

 

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 Bought a water at the airport and now one of
my kids can't go to college.

 

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Even the most racially sensitive person you
know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a
Chinese restaurant isn't Asian...

 

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I can fake my way through most conversations
with my kids if I just look up from my phone
every time they stop talking and say "no."

 

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When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign
I see is the one that says:
"If you have a gambling problem,
call 1-800-GAMBLER."
I thought about it for a moment and dialed the
number.
When they answered I said, "I have an ace and
a six.
The dealer has a seven.
What do I do?"

 

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 Proud of myself......
I only ate 1 brownie today.
I mean, it was cut up into 8 very large pieces
and took up the whole pan but yeah, 1 brownie.

 

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[opens treasure chest & it's full of treasure]
 Me: whoa
 Friend: what is it?
 Me [slowly closing chest]: spiders

 

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