Down Hummingbird Lane

☺☺

 

☺☺

♥

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the
telephone, he had 3 missed calls from
Chuck Norris.

 

••

People say I'm a procrastinator...
I dunno if it's true though.
I'll let everyone know tomorrow.

 

•• 

A man goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my
wife recently has lost her voice.
What should I do to help her get it back?"
 The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in
the morning!" 

 

•• 

I won't be getting any little trick-or-treaters this
Halloween.
I boarded up my windows and spray painted
"pedo scum lives here" on my front door.

 

••

If you count all of the undersea war craft the US
Navy has, you will never come up with a total..
You will only come up with a sub total.
 

••
Walked into Walmart the other day,
and while passing through the sliding glass doors
there is a sign that reads, "Layway now available
until December 15th".
(Cause everybody knows after Good Friday the
good stuff at Family Dollar is gone).

 

••

To keep your marriage brimming
 With love in the loving cup,
 Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
 Whenever you’re right, shut up.

 

••

A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat
in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask
her if she needed me to hold her purse.

••
While passing through the sporting goods
section, I noticed they were selling camouflage
footballs.
Camouflage footballs.....
Wow. Must be the Tom Brady line.

 

••

Customer: When I bought this cat,
you told me he was good for mice.
He doesn’t go near them!
Shopkeeper: Well, isn’t that good for mice?

••••