Friday, June 26, 2015


The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments 
posted in a courthouse is this: 
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not 
Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building 
full of lawyers, judges and politicians...
It creates a hostile work environment.

What's another term for... 
a camper zipped up in a sleeping bag? 

Q: Why are there no televisions in Afghanistan? 
A: Because of the Telly-ban!

Stone Mountain officials in Georgia just announced they 
passed an order to change the Confederate Memorial carving 
of Robert E Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis to 
Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney Kardashian. 

Following the leak of of Kim Kardashian's 
nude pics, her personal assistant has been sacked 
for the delay.

I just gave my wife a last minute gift for her birthday. 
I put the toilet seat down. 

Preventing childhood obesity 
is as easy as taking candy from a baby. 

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the 
other day. 
She was a bouncer. 

I've been feeling down for so long that I finally 
decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
I went there, laid on the couch, spilled my guts 
then waited for the profound wisdom of the 
psychiatrist to make me feel better.
 The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took 
some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few 
minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
 Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of 
delight and said, "Ummmmm, I think your 
problem is low self-esteem. 
It is very common among losers."

Motels 1 through 5 must've really been dumps.

Seems like most rioting in the world happens in 
countries with the least bacon.