Tuesday, June 2, 2015



I ONLY DRINK WATER That's been through a 
brewery first.... 

A very thirsty man goes into a bar.
As he waits to get the bartender's attention, a regular sitting 
next to him calls out, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives the regular a tall ice cold drink and asks 
the newcomer what he would like. 
The thirsty man points to the man next to him and says, 
"I guess I'll have what he's having, a waterloo."
So the bartender brings the newcomer a tall ice cold drink. 
The man takes a long deep drink and calls out, 
"HEY! This isn't any good..... It tastes just like water!"
The regular bar patron sitting next to him says, "It is water. 
That's all I drink," He turns to the bartender and says, 
"Right Lou?" 

Hate it when I'm at a hotel & the maid leaves her 
cart unattended & the only thing I can grab 
before getting caught is 3 dozen shower caps. 

First time flying huh?
Yeah how could you tell?
Just a hunch. 
You wanna come down to your seat? 
The overhead bin is typically for luggage. 

 I live in fear that one day the real 
"World's Greatest Dad" is going to show up to 
reclaim his rightful mug..

Fake friends are no different than
shadows, they stick around during
your brightest moments, but
disappear during your darkest hours.

My friend and I tried to start an erectile 
dysfunction club... 
but it flopped and nobody came.

A guy's on the electric chair. 
The warden's just about to pull the switch when 
the guy gets the hiccups. 
The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?"
 The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you 
please do (hic)... could you please do something 
to scare me?"

Two women were bemoaning the state of the 
Health Service. 
One said, "Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old 
mother has been waiting over a year for her 
"That's appalling," said the other woman. 
"What a terrible way to treat someone of that age."
"I know," said the first woman. 
"It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, 
'Mum, do you really need bigger b**bs?'

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda 
Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked 
one of the corners off.