Thursday, April 23, 2015



No matter how many times he was badly injured by their 
products, Wile E Coyote remained loyal to the ACME brand.

It’s weird that Bowser not only tries to kill Mario 
by setting up enemies and traps, but also decides 
to leave him loose change all over the place. 

My son used to check under the bed for monsters.
So once I hid under there - so he'd see me and laugh. 
Anyway, child therapy is expensive. 

My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. 
That way it's my fault if she forgets something.

My kid missed the school bus, instantly resulting 
in drama & tears. 
But now that I've had a few cocktails, I'm OK. 

Discover wild life... teach school.... 

 I'll have a club sandwich on rye. 
Hold the mayo. 
Cuddle the mustard. 
Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. 
Make love to the onion... 

 The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to 
finger blast a hole through the plastic in one of 
the roll hollows. 

The only requirement to work at Hot Topic is the 
manager has to be able to shove a softball 
through your ear gauges. 

Eating ice cream after working out so my body 
knows who's in charge. 

 Sometimes, during the movie previews, 
I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and 
whisper, "We should really go see that together." 

Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like 
being really good at darts.