••
♥
Hey kitty, what do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain....
••
A friend of mine has a trophy wife.
She obviously didn't win first place.
••
why is it possible for.....
a glass to be viewed as half full or half empty,
but my wife never sees me as "half right,"
she only sees me as all wrong?
••
Who discovered we could get milk from cows,
and what did he think he was doing at the time?
••
I got a calculator and now I can't add without it.
I got a spellchecker and I can't write without it anymore.
I got a blow dryer and now my hair won't dry on its own.
••
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a
startling number of people are capable of
ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
••
You want to see Americans become activists?
Cancel a TV show they like.
••
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name
combining something no one buys anymore and
a type of building no one wants to go into.
••
Just accidentally zoomed so far out of a Word
document that I saw the birth of the universe.
••
Welcome to Applebee's! May I take your order,
or do you need a few minutes to reflect on the
mistakes you made in life that led you here?
••
I'd rather keep thinking there are punctuation
errors in everything I read than I clean my
monitor.
••••
