Sunday, April 12, 2015


Bath time fun.....

Spiderman's only fear: 
Rolled-up Newspaper Man.....

There is a new app. that tells you how smarter 
your dog is. 
 Here's how it works : 
If you bought the app. your dog is smarter than 

*job interview* 
Boss: Give an example of when you've done 
something creative. 
Me: When I listed my 'experience' on the 
application form.

My dad use to take me to the circus to see the 
tattooed man and the bearded lady. 
Now, I can see them anytime shopping at 

Life is more exciting when you're out there living it. 
I read that online somewhere. 

Found a baby snake in my backyard while 
Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore 
since my yard is on fire. 

The roof of my mouth just healed from that 
Hot Pocket I had one month ago.... 

"I know she told me to buy Tampax, but I'll buy 
the store brand that's on sale instead." 
The last thoughts of a man who's about to die. 

My wife told me to go out and get something that 
makes her look I came back drunk.  

Do you have any motivational books? 
Yeah, they're in the back. 
(long pause) Do you have any that are closer?

What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 
 1. Nice shirt. 
 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 
 3. Okay, first shirt again. 
 4. He has two shirts.