Thursday, January 15, 2015



I call my friend McRib because I only see him 
once a year. 
Also he's made of 100% pork droppings.

George Zimmerman was arrested again, 
but it wasn't for anything serious like selling a 
loose cigarette, just aggravated assault, 
so he's OK.

We have only ourselves to blame... 
for all the crime and violence today. 
We removed all the phone booths and now 
Superman has nowhere to change. 

China is now the world's largest economy. 
But thanks to McDonald's and Little Debbie 
we're still the world's largest people.....

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.

As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in 
New Jersey. 
And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie 
announced he would no longer oppose gay 
He said, "How can I oppose anything that brings 
more cake into New Jersey?" 

My Grandparents are funny, when they bend 
over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

North Korea is offering to suspend nuclear tests 
if the US suspends military drills. 
Let's respond by releasing a sequel to 
"The Interview."

The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.

Friends are like your underwear.. 
They sometimes ride up your ass or are a little 
But they’ll always cover your ass.

I can always tell when the mother in law's 
coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the