Monday, December 29, 2014



During a performance for the high school 
talent show at the local theater, a hole was 
cracked in the stage floor. 
Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged
area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, 
accidentally stepped through the hole up to his 
He apologized to the audience for his 
But a heckler in the back of the theater shouted: 
"Don't worry, Freddy! 
It's just a stage you're going through!" 

When I was young, I decided to go to medical 
At the entrance exam, we were asked to 
rearrange the letters of the alphabet - 
P N E I S and form the name of an important 
human body part which is more useful when 
Those who answered S P I N E are doctors 
today, while the rest are on Facebook." 
(what lesson did you learn?). 

The barber was finishing a haircut on a 
customer one day and started to apply some 
'Aftershave Lotion' around his ears when the 
customer yelled, "Don't put that crap on me!
My wife says it smells like a French 
Another customer who was waiting replied, 
"Hey John, you can put the 'Aftershave Lotion' 
on me... My wife has never been in a French 
Then the fun began... 

What do you call a cheap circumcision? 
A rip off. 

"What's up Dave, you look a bit glum?" 
I asked my friend earlier.
"I got 'relieved' of my job today without any 
pay or my bonuses, just because I had sex with 
my secretary," He moaned.
"damn, that's harsh," I replied. 
"What should you have got?"
"Consent, apparently."

Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a 
living, although for the amount I make, an apology 
would be nice.

A 24-year-old salesman from Hialeah, Fla., 
was killed near Lantana, Fla., in March when 
his car smashed into a pole in the median strip 
of Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon. 
Police said that the man was traveling at 
80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that 
was found open and clutched to his chest, had 
been busy reading.

Unless you're the lead dog,
the view never changes. 

Flex at a job interview: "What are your 
"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Yes, when do I start?"

A foreign diplomat was sitting beside a very 
beautiful blonde who possessed all the social 
During the course of the dinner, he put his 
hand under the table and started to feel her 
She gave him a brilliant smile. 
Encouraged, he went a little further and 
reached the calf of her leg with the same results.
The lady smiled and he, becoming emboldened 
with this encouragement, went above the knees. 
Very soon, giving the diplomat a lovely smile 
she leaned and whispered in his ear: 
"When you get far enough to discover that I'm 
a man, don't change the expression on your 
face -- I'm Secret Agent No. 13."

Adam and Dana were onbserving their new 
born baby boy.
"Look at the size of his thing, he sure is BIG!" 
said Adam.
Dana said to him in a consoling voice,
"Yes sweetheart, but he does have your eyes."