WoW... Pancakes for breakfast....
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♥
There's one thing the Democrats and Republicans
share in common: Our money.
••
A man is fibbing away about how great things are
in his country.
Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in
his country.
"There is a building so tall, it took my friend
Alex 72 hours to fall off it!"
"Oh, my God!" says his friend.
"Surely he must have died!"
"Of course.....
He was without food or water for 3 days!"
••
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy?
Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy
Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."
••
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food
restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted.
"No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign,
remarked,
"Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20,
I wouldn't be eating here."
••
A land surveyor was working on a golf course
that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.
Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area
he was mapping, he came upon a golf club that
an irate player must have tossed away.
It was in good condition, so he picked it up and
continued on.
When he broke out of the brush onto a putting
green, two golfers stared at him in awe.
He had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the
other, and behind him was a clear-cut swath
leading out of the woods.
"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who
hates to lose his ball!"
••
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller.
••
My wife returned from the doctor and said she
has a bladder infection.
I said uh oh urine trouble.
••
Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a
government that won't.
••
Secret Service director Julia Pierson submitted
her resignation.
She jumped the White House fence,ran across
the lawn, dove through a window and handed
it to the president.
••
The girl admitted under parental questioning
that she was pregnant, but couldn't say who was
responsible.
"All right !" bellowed her Mother, "you march
yourself to your room, and don't come out until
you can give us a definite answer."
Later that night her voice rang down the stairs.
"Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now."
"I should hope so !" the Mother responded.
"The very idea that any daughter of mine could
get pregnant, let alone not know the father."
"Chill Mom."the girl said.
"I got it narrowed down to the band or the
football team."
••
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight,
can pull 30 times its weight and always falls
over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did the government pay for this research?)
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