How to get rid of Phone books....
••
♥
There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married...
••
A flight attendant on a United Air Lines
cross-country flight nervously announced: about
30 minutes outbound from LA, “I don’t know how
this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard
and only 40 dinners.”
When the passengers’ muttering had died down,
she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to
give up his meal so someone else can eat will
receive free drinks for the length of the flight.”
Her next announcement came an hour later.
“If anyone wants to change his mind, we still
have 29 dinners available!”
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nevada!
Nevada who?
Nevada saw you look so bad, you should be in bed..!
••
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation
and was about to close, the patient awakes,
sits up, and demands to know what is going on.
"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.
The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says,
"I'm not going to let you do that!
I'll close my own incision!"
The doctor hands him the needle and thread and
says, "Suture self."
••
I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't
come in when you call, they like to stay out all
night, and when they're home they like to be left
alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in
a man, they love in a cat.
••
The woman who invented the phrase "All men
are the same" was a Chinese woman who lost
her husband in a crowd.
••
"If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say
the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all
will be well.
Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver'
when you're choking to death."
-- Eddie Izzard
••
The email of the species is more deadly than the
mail.
••
A jet ran into some turbulent weather.
To keep the passengers calm the flight attendants
brought out the beverage carts.
“I`d like a soda, said a passenger in the first row.
Moving along, the attendant asked the man
behind her if he would like something.
“Yes, I would, he replied.
“Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!
••
Jim said;
Oh no, is something wrong with my computer?
When I try to save a Word Document as "Obama",
an error message keeps appearing stating the file
is corrupted.
Don't feel bad, I got my computer to save the file,
but when I went to re-open it, it said it was sealed
and I wasn't authorized to view it.
••
And then one day you realize you're older and
fatter than old fat Elvis.
••••
