••
♥
"Tip the world over on its side and everything
loose will land in Los Angeles."
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
••
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down,
he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the
rock.
"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?"
he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have
faith in me."
"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.
"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up
again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE
I COULD TALK TO?"
••
The invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids ain't nothing to look at either
••
Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?
It didn't protect him from harmful rays
••
A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock
island just off the coast.
While walking on a distant part of the island,
warning shots ring out from a group of thugs
operating a pot farm.
This happens several times and the local law
enforcement refuses to investigate.
On their last day on the island they happen into
a huge pile of harvested pot that has been set out
to dry.
Quickly they decide to set it on fire to pay the
thugs back for shooting at them.
The fire takes off and sends plumes of smoke
into the sky.
As they are running for their boat, they notice
that the soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling
out of control and crashing into the trees.
The next day they read the headlines in the local
paper: Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.
••
Two cows, Daisy and Betsy, Are talking over the
back 40's fence.
Daisy: I got artificially inseminated today.
Betsy; Don't lie to me girl friend!
Daisy. No, no! It's true!... No bull!
••
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70s, its kind
of like painting your house as the fire approaches.
Just die, there's no shame in it.
••
SORRY MISTER, BUT MOM SAYS I CAN’T GET
IN YOUR VAN UNLESS THE CANDY’S
SUGAR-FREE.
••
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense
enough to be lazy."
-- Edgar Bergen
••
"The Second Amendment: It says you have the
right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears,
whatever the hell you want to do!"
••
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo
bottles is there's no room for the directions so
you kind of have to wing it.
••••
