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Obama denied entry into las Vegas casino....
Said owner "Anybody that's $16 trillion dollars in
debt don't belong in here"
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"Jesus loves you",
can be a nice enough gesture in church,
but not what you want to hear in a Mexican prison.
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I didn't know how to tell this guy at Home Depot
his fly was down... and he didn't know how to say
thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.
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You know that tingly little feeling you get when
you really like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.
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I don't like making plans for the day because then
the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in
the courtroom.
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I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row!
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I decided to change calling the bathroom the
John and renamed it the Jim.
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim
this morning.
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Dear paranoid people who check behind shower
curtains for murderers, if you find one, what's
your plan?
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Just Checked my voicemail.
I forgot to buy milk 3 years ago.
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If a turtle doesn't have a shell
is he homeless or naked?
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