☺☺
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Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be
two letters it doesn’t contain?
two letters it doesn’t contain?
••
Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
••
There's way too much blood in my alcohol system today...
••
Just called the bank for my account info and a voice
whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles
can last you two days.'
Just called the bank for my account info and a voice
whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles
can last you two days.'
••
Yo momma's so fat, she played the role of the boulder
in the first Indiana Jones movie.
in the first Indiana Jones movie.
••
I used to think the brain was the most important organ.
Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
••
This diet is probably gonna end in murder,
but still pretty excited.
I'm gonna look so skinny in my mugshot!
but still pretty excited.
I'm gonna look so skinny in my mugshot!
••
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly
contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
••
Q: Why did President Obama get two terms?
A: Because every black man gets a longer sentence.
A: Because every black man gets a longer sentence.
••
Have you heard the story of the magic sandwich?
Never mind, it's just a bunch of bologna.
Never mind, it's just a bunch of bologna.
••
Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready
to accept that it needs help.
to accept that it needs help.
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