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Most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?"
because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns.....
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count.
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Our scariest president was probably Rushmore,
because he had four heads..
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Hi, grandma?
Can you come pick me up from my rap battle? It's over.
No, i lost. he saw you drop me off & did a pretty
devastating rhyme about it.....
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Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink,
some prefer to just gargle.
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Banker: You're sure you want a reverse mortgage &
get how it works?Me (imagines bank making huge unaffordable payments
to me for years): Yes..
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Define Marriage: It's a way through which two people join together to solve the problems they never had before.
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My boss told me He would pay me what I'm worth,
but there is a minimum wage law in Virginia.
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I bought a self-help tape the other day.
It was called "How to handle disappointment." When I opened the box, it was empty.
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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a
lobster with breast implants?One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
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They say 60 is the new 40.....
Try telling that to the cop who pulled me over....
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