Down Hummingbird Lane

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If you ever get arrested.....
wait till the cop says "anything you say can and will be
used as evidence against you in a court of law"
Then you say this: "please don't hit me again officer."

 

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Teach a fish to catch a MAN, and you've got a
blockbuster horror movie idea under your belt.

 

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 I'm in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and
wanting a hot fudge sundae.

 

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Surround yourself with people who will groom your
eyebrows should you ever become comatose...

 

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A woman has just finished her shopping......
for a party she was giving, and is taking a shortcut home
through the park.
Suddenly Gus jumps out of the bushes, opens his raincoat
and exposes himself.
The woman takes a breath, looks down at her shopping
bags, slaps her palm to her forehead and says:
"I knew it! I forgot the cocktail weenies!"
 

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Drinking ink won't kill you, you'll just dye a little inside.

 

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Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning.
Or possibly just a very hairy guy.
Either way, the silver bullets worked.

 

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"ENTER PASSWORD"
 *types 'snowflake'*
 "RE-ENTER PASSWORD"
 *types 'snowflake'*
 "ERROR. PASSWORDS MUST BE IDENTICAL".

 

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My one weakness? Probably my unshakable belief that,
despite a total lack of training,
I'll be able to do karate if I'm ever in a fight.

 

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How do you know when you're getting old?
When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

 

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