Down Hummingbird Lane

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I told my doctor that I took a whole bottle of sleeping pills,
he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

 

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A Greene county man was standing admiring the beauty
of Niagara Falls when a New Yorker standing next to him
said sarcastically: "I bet you don't have anything like this
in Greene."
"No," said the Virginian , "but we've got plumbers who
could fix it!"

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A male elephant sees a beautiful female elephant stroll
over to the watering hole.
"Wow!" he exclaims to the other males, "look at that figure:
3600, 2400, 3600."

 

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According to the most current magazine…
in my doctor's office, every home in America will have
a television by 1962..

 

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Fred: "I can't believe Ben is in the hospital.
Just yesterday, I saw him with a gorgeous blonde."
Bob: "So did his wife."

 

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[introducing myself to new girlfriends parents]
"Hi, I usually don't make it this far"

 

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Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?
He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.

 

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Ugly Duckling is my favorite story that teaches kids it's
okay to look weird for a while as long as u get ur act
together and become hot.

 

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Why do people point out their dog is adopted?
Are they worried we’ll become suspicious because it
doesn’t look like them?

 

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I've never run a marathon, but once I walked real fast
across a parking lot because Krispy Kreme was about
to close.

 

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