☺☺
♥
Harry and his neighbor Joe often borrowed things from
each other.
One day, Harry asked to borrow Joe's ladder.
Joe said, "Sorry Harry, I've lent it to my son."
Remembering a saying that his grandma often used to
tell him, Harry said, "Joe, you should never lend anything
to your children because you'll never get it back."
Joe replied, "Don't worry, it's not my ladder - it's my dad's."
each other.
One day, Harry asked to borrow Joe's ladder.
Joe said, "Sorry Harry, I've lent it to my son."
Remembering a saying that his grandma often used to
tell him, Harry said, "Joe, you should never lend anything
to your children because you'll never get it back."
Joe replied, "Don't worry, it's not my ladder - it's my dad's."
••
Girls before you call a guy ugly.....
remember he doesn't wear make up..
remember he doesn't wear make up..
••
It was this little girl's first day of schooland the teacher
asked her what her name was andshe replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you
need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened
out."
So she went to the principal's office and he asked,
"What's your name?"
The little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened
out once and for all.
After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and
said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys,not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt"what's the
difference?
asked her what her name was andshe replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you
need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened
out."
So she went to the principal's office and he asked,
"What's your name?"
The little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened
out once and for all.
After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and
said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys,not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt"what's the
difference?
••
[pitching script]
WRITER: then the motorcyclist removes their helmet…
PRODUCER: *yawns*…and its a woman?
W: it's a burrito
P: holy shit.......
WRITER: then the motorcyclist removes their helmet…
PRODUCER: *yawns*…and its a woman?
W: it's a burrito
P: holy shit.......
••
Her: hey handsome, why don't you give me your number...
Me: ...because I still need it.
Her: hey handsome, why don't you give me your number...
Me: ...because I still need it.
••
Went in for my checkup yesterday.
Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable,
but he's a great dentist so I let it go.
Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable,
but he's a great dentist so I let it go.
••
*Brings pen to sword fight*
Guy with sword : What's that?
Me : Tis mightier!
*Gets beheaded*
Guy with sword : What's that?
Me : Tis mightier!
*Gets beheaded*
••
Death: I've come for you.
Me: That's what she said.
D (bursts out laughing): You get me with that one every
time!
Ok, see ya.
Me: That's what she said.
D (bursts out laughing): You get me with that one every
time!
Ok, see ya.
••
COWORKER: I'm my own biggest critic.
ME: Haha, trust me. You aren't.
ME: Haha, trust me. You aren't.
••
[Gym]
Hello ladies, and welcome to Body By Jake!
Me: "Jake?" *i discreetly shove the cake I brought into
my bag & back out of the room*
Hello ladies, and welcome to Body By Jake!
Me: "Jake?" *i discreetly shove the cake I brought into
my bag & back out of the room*
••
Charades is my favorite game.
We invite friends over, and my wife and I go through
the motions of being happily married.
We invite friends over, and my wife and I go through
the motions of being happily married.
••••
