Down Hummingbird Lane

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 haha... remember when you were a kid you'd
 hide inside the clothes racks at stores.
can't do that as an adult.
someone's stupid kid is in there.....

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You'd think that atoms bonding with other
atoms would mean they're being friendly,
but really they steal each other's electrons.

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My friend called me from a private number
last night, so I just returned the favor by
knocking on his door with a ski mask on. 

 

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My neighbor can't understand why he just
found human shit on his front porch.
I can't understand why he would use a power
saw at 5:48 am.

 

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Relationship status:
Negotiating with the dog
to lease space in his flat.

 

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I shit my pants last night.
I was having a beer in an airport bar when a
muslim rushed in screaming, "Allah, Allah, Allah,
Allah, Allah... alava coke, please.."
 Stuttering Bastard!!!!

 

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If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all
5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken
nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist.

 

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I'm going to hell....
But, if I'm going to hell, I hope I go to
Muslim hell.
They probably only serve bacon.

 

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Never trust a psychic wearing a band-aid,
they should have seen that shit coming..

 

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A muslim suspect was being grilled by L.A.
police.
"Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said.
"I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I
could sleep with 72 virgins.
All I said was I'm dying to get laid!" 

 

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He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.

 

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