••
♥
People who skip church to watch football
probably do more praying than they would have
in church anyway.
••
What do you get if you cross a bear and a wolf?
You get eaten is what you get.
Stop upsetting scary animals.
You get eaten is what you get.
Stop upsetting scary animals.
••
Q: Who was the wealthiest male financier in the
Bible?
A: Noah.
He was floating his stock while everybody else
was in liquidation.
Bible?
A: Noah.
He was floating his stock while everybody else
was in liquidation.
••
I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness,
hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter.
According to Web MD, I have a date tonight.
hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter.
According to Web MD, I have a date tonight.
••
What do vampires think of blood transfusions?
Newfangled rubbish!
Newfangled rubbish!
••
*sees Deer Crossing sign*
*further down the road sees deer nailed to
crucifix*
"Oh wow, they weren't lying"
*further down the road sees deer nailed to
crucifix*
"Oh wow, they weren't lying"
••
I love the smell of fabric softener through the
outside vents when people do the laundry.
I get a lot of restraining orders though.
outside vents when people do the laundry.
I get a lot of restraining orders though.
••
wife: Why is there a broom in the driveway?
me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the
car....
me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the
car....
••
Keen silence from a dinner guest as she looks
across the living room and realizes I made her
bridesmaid dress into a dog bed.
across the living room and realizes I made her
bridesmaid dress into a dog bed.
••
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into
the Hulk.
When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into
Chuck Norris.
the Hulk.
When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into
Chuck Norris.
••••
