☺☺
♥
The ostrich may have the right idea
but I hate sand in my hair.
••
It's hard for me to believe that the new
Star Wars trailer has already been seen
millions of times.
How do they even know where it's parked?
Star Wars trailer has already been seen
millions of times.
How do they even know where it's parked?
••
My 84 mother to my 19: Make-up sure does
wonders but you don't want your future husband
waking up wondering who you are in the morning.
wonders but you don't want your future husband
waking up wondering who you are in the morning.
••
I got pulled over by a bicycle cop in L.A. --
not a motorcycle cop, a bicycle cop.
And I'm in my car, and he gets out -- he's
sweating, he's got these little shorts on.
You know how fast you were going?
Yeah, a lot faster than that bike.
not a motorcycle cop, a bicycle cop.
And I'm in my car, and he gets out -- he's
sweating, he's got these little shorts on.
You know how fast you were going?
Yeah, a lot faster than that bike.
••
When Little Johnny's family moved into a new
double wide trailer one of their former neighbors
dropped by.
Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, "So, how
do you like your new place?"
"It's terrific," Little Johnny answered.
"I have my own room, my brother has his own
room, and my sister has her own room.
But poor mom is still in with dad."
double wide trailer one of their former neighbors
dropped by.
Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, "So, how
do you like your new place?"
"It's terrific," Little Johnny answered.
"I have my own room, my brother has his own
room, and my sister has her own room.
But poor mom is still in with dad."
••
“I saw a poster for a company offering free
quotes, so I called them and asked for
something profound.”
quotes, so I called them and asked for
something profound.”
••
Having lost weight over the past few years,
a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe
that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she
held up a huge pair of slacks.
"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these
when I was 185."
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked,
"How old are you now?"
a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe
that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she
held up a huge pair of slacks.
"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these
when I was 185."
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked,
"How old are you now?"
••
My therapist told me I should start making my
own decisions.
So I stopped seeing him.
own decisions.
So I stopped seeing him.
••
He told me I was the "bee's knees".
I believe I merit being compared to something
more like a lemur's femur.
Who doesn't love Zoboomafoo?
I believe I merit being compared to something
more like a lemur's femur.
Who doesn't love Zoboomafoo?
••
*interview for new roommate*
Ninja: I know it's a small place, but you won't
even know I'm here.
Ninja: I know it's a small place, but you won't
even know I'm here.
••••
