Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

"Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is
the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn
 it back on again?"

 

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April Fools Day is the one day of the year that
people critically evaluate news articles before
accepting them as true.

 

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The fact that we know Chameleons even exist
just proves they are failures.

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Music star Kenny Rogers announced his
retirement yesterday.
In other news, Kenny Rogers is still alive,
apparently.

 

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Your shadow is a confirmation that light has t
raveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed,
only to be deprived of reaching the ground in
the final few feet thanks to you.

 

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If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy
prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around
my kid's torso like a suicide bomber...

 

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Husband Bear: Honey! I'm home!
Wife Bear: For God's sake, would you at
LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?

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Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he
thinks of you every time he tries to raise his
arm to put around the shoulders of another girl..

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INTERVIEWER: Under special skills,
you wrote "I ain't afraid of no ghosts"
ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any
ghosts work here?

 

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Since smart watches can now read your pulse,
there should be a feature that erases your
browser history if your heart stops beating.

 

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